Atlas
by Asuhole
Summary: Rin was Makoto's babysitter. He was his guardian, his brother and his friend. However, in order to become an elite swimmer at the Olympics, he was ought to transfer to Australia - and was absent for years. Now, recently having turned twenty-six, he gets an injury in his knee and has to go in recovery for at least two years. Broken, guilty and angered, he returns to Makoto.
1. Prelude

If you're iffy about age differences, you might want to back out now.

This is not underage.

It is rated M for later chapter(s).

Kindly settle the reading format as 1/2 for a better reading experience. Thank you.

Have a wonderful day.

* * *

There are many things to say about Makoto.

Most people would call him timid, shy, helpful or nice.

He is many things.

However, he is also selfish –

In the most unselfish way.

Rin knows many things about Makoto. He used to know him like he knew the back of his own hand. They had spent so much time together, and Rin had been his guardian. His big brother. One of his best friends.

Rin had begun babysitting when he was mere fourteen years old and was in a dire need of money. One day, his phone had rung and a soft-spoken, kind voice had told him that she had seen the advert he had hung up in the local supermarket. She told him that he and her husband had to go run an errand, and therefore they would not be home for the evening. It was urgent, she said, and that he only had to look after their son, Makoto Tachibana, who was seven years old.

In the beginning, Rin had been iffy about the idea of babysitting someone in general. Children were not really his thing, if he had to be honest.

However, he had showed up that evening – at the Tachibana's house, and was met by two young and kind-looking adults. They had welcomed him, bid him cookies and other things as well as prepaid the fund although they were busy and almost out of the door. Then, just before leaving, the mother had laughed prettily and gone looking for their son, Makoto, who was hiding somewhere.

She had come back with a kid with scruffy brown hair and dopey eyes. The boy was timid and had hid behind her leg, but she had encouraged him to come welcome Rin. Rin was not a softie to a certain extent given some current circumstances in his household, but he had to admit that this kid was something else – almost right away. In addition, unlike what he had ever done before, he squatted down and gave the boy a toothy grin, introducing himself lightly – if not playfully.

Being alone with Makoto had been peculiar at first. Rin was used to have his younger sister, Gou, but that was about it.

Makoto? Well, he was something else.

He was polite from the beginning, albeit shy, but took his time to ask questions – and paid much more attention to his 'guest' than other seven year olds would have done. From sitting in the kitchen in silence, they had ended up watching comedy movies and drawing stick figures on pads at the end of the evening.

Just a few days later, the parents had called Rin again – asking him if he was available yet again to babysit Makoto.

It continued like that, and even became something reminding of a habit at last. Rin reached a point when he was fifteen where he was not even paid to babysit him. Instead, he had gotten a job as a cashier, and paid visits to Makoto in his free time, although he was often busy with both his job and with swimming practice.

Sometimes, Makoto would join him during swimming – sitting on the sideline to watch him practice. Gou had become good friends with Makoto – and when it was sibling day at school, Rin had brought the both of them. Back then, sometimes Gou was the one to babysit Makoto instead, taking turns.

Occasionally, another boy joined in, whose name was Haruka. Makoto's best friend. He was also a whole another mystery, but nonetheless, Makoto and Haruka seemed happy together, and some refreshing rivalry ensued between Haruka and Rin. Rin did not care whether the boy was seven years younger than he was, because in card games and water play, he was going down.

* * *

They both got older.

One day, Makoto had come home to him with sad, downturned eyes and said that people had given him a nickname in school. Rin had sat down with him and discussed it. Apparently, some of the bystanders from the other classes had called him 'The big guy from class 2', because he was a little bigger than the rest. In addition, well, he was.

Makoto was ten years old, but already taller than the rest of his classmates. He looked like someone at the age of twelve, while his friends took stances as their given age. Makoto had seemed upset by this, though not by much. He simply did not understand why people would give himthose looks, as well as parents thinking of him being someone who had retaken his classes – because it looked like he was mingling with kids that were not of his age.

It was somehow funny, Rin had always thought. The physique Makoto was given was not quite ordinary, compared to the soul he held. His soul was gentle, sweet and caring. Selfless. He was a scaredy-cat – and very shy as well. Naïve. It was as if he had gotten a much bigger vessel, one with rough hands and broad shoulders – who, however, had the gentlest touch of them all.

What was worse was that Rin grew as well. In physique and his looks, too – but he also had to take responsibility for his future. He had plans. He wanted to honor his father, who died in an accident a long time ago. The sorrow had sprouted, and Rin wanted to be something. He wanted to make his father proud. He took pride in swimming – became an elite swimmer. Nevertheless, such contribution had its consequences. Lack of free time was one. Exhaustion was another. Frustration of lack of progress was the third.

Soon turning eighteen, he did not have much time for Makoto anymore as much as he used to.

Makoto was upset by this. Alternatively, so Rin thought. He never really found out. Makoto never said anything. He never did. There was only the occasional 'You never visit me as much anymore…,', 'How are you doing?', 'You're pretty busy, right?' and the worst of them all – 'I won't disturb your work.'

* * *

The light broke through the muddy clouds on the day Rin finally turned eighteen – and he got an important call.

He had been scouted.

The Olympics were even closer, more than it had ever been before.

Makoto did not understand that much of it yet, but he congratulated him with well wishes. Rin had run to his house and swept him into his embrace the moment the door had opened, uncaring that Haruka was there to view the scene. Despite Makoto's growth, Rin had spun him around and they had both laughed. Rin even gave Haruka a tour too, as well as a noogie, because why not.

Being scouted had its consequences as well, though.

He had to transfer to Australia for it to work out.

He had to turn the swimming into professionalism – a job. His carrier. There was no time for child's play.

It became his new life –

And took his other away.

Even while Rin spilled such a confession, Makoto continued to smile. He congratulated him as well. No tears were shed. Eleven years old, but very mature – kindhearted. Selfless, but at the same time selfish. That was Makoto.

* * *

Rin was gone for a long time. He sent letters to his family, which included the Tachibanas, and were surprised to find out that Mrs. Tachibana had gotten a second child. Ran.

Another child came to life too, and that was Ren.

Makoto was busy with his new responsibility as an older brother, and wrote with his scrawny, yet fine handwriting how excited he was. It made Rin happy. He knew that Makoto was going to be a good older brother. There was no doubt.

Rin always came home for Christmas. It was all good. Around that time, swimming had practically become his life. He was glad to come home to relax for a bit – to get away from the responsibilities.

Makoto had been excited every time, embracing him and climbing him as if he was trying to climb a tree. As time passed, and after the second year of absence, Makoto almost did not need to climb Rin in order to pin him down with hugs and such alike. He had gotten taller, and at the age of thirteen, he only needed five centimeters to be at the same height as Rin.

Ren and Ran were still young then, not talkers, but incredibly adorable each.

Apparently, Rin had always inspired Makoto. He wanted to become a swimmer too, he had said, although he said he was not very good at it, not until recently. Makoto had also obtained a cellphone, so now he could text Rin.

Returning to Australia, Rin's favored person on the contact list was Makoto. They did not text that much, but it was at least easier and better than sending letters, although Rin sometimes could not help but to send a few in old-style – just for the keepers.

Rin became well known, and his hard work had paid off. He won silver in the Olympics at the age of twenty-one, and his family, along with the Tachibanas, had been watching all of it. During the evening of the amazement, his phone had been bombed with hundreds of texts – most of them from Makoto, now fourteen.

The difference here though was that he, instead of calling back, went out in the city with his teammates. He held an eye to a special someone, whose name was Yamazaki Sousuke – a gold winner in the butterfly stroke, which Rin advanced in as well.

As his phone was buzzing in his own hotel room, he had been fumbling with the buttons of his jeans in Sousuke's room – with two strong hands on his hips, along with heated kisses.

There were nights were he and Makoto texted nonstop.

There were also nights where he did not answer. Forgot to answer.

* * *

He did not come home that Christmas.

He was gone for years.

He won other medals.

He was in love.

He forgot about his other life.

* * *

He was twenty-four when he came home again. This time, he was allowed to stay for a little longer – to get a longer break. He was met by the whole city to a celebration of his success. They were proud of him, and there were colors and many smiles – many old women who came over to him and told him this and that.

He was reunited with his sister in a firm embrace. He smiled, but scowled when he found out that she had gotten a boyfriend, who also was a swimmer – and subsequently offered the boyfriend, Seijuro Mikoshiba, some helpful words. On the other hand, threats.

However, he could not spot Makoto anywhere. He had not seen Makoto at the celebration, and instead trotted to his house. It had been three and a half year since they had last seen each other. They stopped texting a half year ago. Despite time, Rin still knew the route to Makoto's house almost perfectly.

Nostalgia rushed through his veins, and he looked at the Tachibana house, which had not changed a lot through the years. It was dark, and it had seemed like nobody was home. The porch light automatically flickered on when he stepped closer though. Something knotted in his stomach, and he was not so sure whether it was a good idea for him to see Makoto anyway. The fact that he had forgotten how Makoto's face looked like was enough to frighten him. How his voice sounded. As his guardian, brother or protector – that was uncalled for, he thought. All the time he had missed– of being a part of Makoto's life and growth, suddenly hit him in the face in a grim realization. It had been so long. He barely remembered what being with Makoto was like.

He clutched the front of his shirt and felt helpless, somehow. There was an important figure in his life that he had forgotten. He had even held better contact with Gou and his other friends than with Makoto.

Moreover, even though Makoto was only but the boy he had been a babysitter for, he still felt bad. He missed something. All the nights they had spent together had been blurry to him. How he had helped the boy with his English homework, with swimming, with drawing. They had watched movies, went for walks. They had been like brothers.

He felt guilty.

And he missed him.

''Rin,'' he heard a voice behind him.

A somewhat deep voice, with a soft tune to it.

Rin was startled and turned around in a whisk, blinking his eyes feverishly. A little farther ahead, a tall and muscular figure stood. A man. Rin did not react at first – puzzled by the encounter.

''You're here,'' the young man said again, and it was dark, so Rin could not see his face. The man stepped closer though, and when he came in reach of the porch light, his face become more prominent.

The man started walking faster, and a smile perched upon his lips – from gentle to wide and genuine, and just when the man was a few steps away, something clicked in Rin's head.

Those eyes. Even through the darkness, he could see the emerald color they contained. Downturned and continuously dopey. The scruffy, brown hair.

The young man was not even a man yet,

But a teenager – in the physique in a vessel of over league.

It could not be anyone but Makoto, seventeen years old.

''Makoto,'' is all Rin said, and he felt the skin underneath his eyes swell. He let himself be embraced by Makoto, who pulled him closer and encircled his arms around him.

It felt different – but the hug was just the way he had imagined it. Makoto still hugged the same way as he used to when he was smaller. With care, warmth and gentleness. Something clogged in Rin's throat, and he held him tighter – was then the one to nearly climb Makoto. He laughed against the juncture of Makoto's throat, and Makoto laughed too above him. ''Rin,'' he said, and repeated it while giggling lightly like the schoolboy he was.

They had then sat in front of the house on the front step and talked for hours. They had hugged for minutes, and done it repeatedly. Rin gave Makoto a noogie, although he found it harder that time, since Makoto had become so big.

Makoto had smiled dopily when Rin had commented on his growth, rubbing the nape of his neck in a timid gesture. ''I'm sure all the girls are all over you,'' the red-head had grinned toothily, punching Makoto's shoulder playfully, and Makoto's cheeks became beet-red. It was wonderful. Meeting him again meant the world to Rin.

It was like coming back home after a long journey.

Slowly, Rin approached the subject of his absence amidst their conversation. Makoto did not seem to hold a grudge against it, but his movements became a bit heavier, his eyes drafted a bit toward the darkness of the street instead – glazed and unfathomable.

''I'm sure you were busy,'' he said, suddenly, although it looked like he wanted to say something else. That smile appeared again. ''I'm glad you're having such great success.''

Rin swallowed heavily. ''Yeah,'' he muttered, furrowing his brows, looking down at his feet. ''Olympics. Relays… the boyfriend,'' he said, and he did not miss the way Makoto's knee, next to him, jerked just slightly by the mention of what Rin has wanted to say for years.

After the Olympics, Sousuke and Rin had become a thing. However, Rin had never told Makoto about Sousuke. In fact, he had never told anyone about him. It was later announced in public, but apparently, it may not have reached Makoto's ears back then. Coming out had been another harsh period.

''For how long have you been together?'' Makoto asked.

Rin hesitated. ''Three years or so.''

He expected Makoto to say anything. Something. Nevertheless, Makoto only smiled, nodding – again and something unsettling sank to the bottom of Rin's stomach.

''You must be happy.''

There was something else in what Makoto said. What it was, Rin did not know. Could not decipher it.

''Yeah.''

It was silent.

Makoto exhaled a shaky breath.

There was no further talk about Sousuke. Rin's absence. The unanswered messages. Nothing. It was put on the lowest shelf. Hidden.

But not forgotten.

* * *

Rin stayed in the city for two months then. He spent a lot of time with Gou, who still lived there – studying, but mostly with Makoto. However, things were different. Makoto was, of course, not the old Makoto. Rin was not just the old Rin either. They had somehow drifted apart at some areas – with a lot of unanswered questions and tensions, but they still spent time together, and it was nice.

When Rin looked at Makoto, he still tried to see the younger Makoto – who was a head smaller than Rin. Now, it was the opposite – and Makoto was about a head taller than Rin in comparison. The roles had reversed a bit.

Makoto was a good older brother. He was caring, responsible and unselfish. He broke fights between Ren and Ran, who had become old enough to quarrel about dos and don'ts.

He still needed help with the English though, and sometimes Rin would sit up with him and help him until it was late in the evening.

Makoto also liked literature. It was his strongest subject, detracting P.E.

Sometimes, he would make poems. He would write things, small drabbles and things alike. He also liked music and had many lyrics from different songs around and about.

One night, when Makoto was using the toilet, Rin sat on his bed, eyes drifting around in the room. He spotted a piece of paper underneath Makoto's pillow and took it out, unfolding it. He read it, and a few lines caught his interest. A line was underlined with thick pencil draws.

Empty eyes lie on your face, buckling beneath the way. You're dripping red and black and blue.

You stand on your knees, begging please. Looking into the world, I used to dream.

You must be tired, standing there forever.

All of your life – keeping us from each other.

You must be tired, been given that weight and pressure.

All of your life, holding on to the sky.

Let go. Start to breathe tonight.

You can keep on looking into the world I used to dream.

But you keep holding on with broken arms –

to the memory of the one, I used to love.

When the doorknob rustled, Rin shoved the paper underneath the pillow again, tensing up. He felt as if he had snooped in something private, and his feet felt heavy and hard to shuffle around that evening.

Rin even persuaded Makoto into watching a horror film with him. Some things may have changed, but Makoto being a scaredy-cat was not one of them. Makoto, as big as he was, would tense up and release small yelps, sometimes cover his eyes with his fingers. When Makoto was younger, Rin would hold his hand or let Makoto sit between his legs.

Things were different, though, Rin had to remind himself.

His pulse sped up when a jump scare flickered on the screen, and Makoto inhaled sharply – grabbing Rin's hand in such a sudden motion that Rin got shocked as well. It was supposed to feel the same as when Makoto was smaller. Rin was the guardian – the older brother, a friend. But Makoto's hand was warm and comfortable – much bigger than his own. He thought about Sousuke, tried to, but found that he did not want to be anywhere than right there and next to Makoto. There was no place he would rather be.

It made him feel uneasy, somehow.

* * *

The time came where he had to return to Australia. To swimming. To Sousuke. To the professionalism. To his life – to leave the old one he once left behind. To leave Makoto, seventeen years old.

This time, however, they kept in contact. There were nights where they would write messages until the next morning, and Makoto would still ask for help with his English homework. They would skype sometimes when Rin had the time, and Rin would give Makoto tips with the swimming practice.

Rin practiced even harder than before, and everything was well. He had swimming. He had Sousuke…

And he had Makoto.

It was strange.

Sometimes, Sousuke would question who he was texting all the time. Rin had never seen it as something mysterious, but after a half year, he got a different view on it. Complications occurred. Sousuke's fingers became less warm when they touched him – they did not feel the same as they had before.

Rin became more relaxed, strangely. He had fun. He watched movies. He texted his friends and his sister. He arranged many events with those he held dear. However, his time with Sousuke became more and more distant. Some nights, he would feel uneasy, and Sousuke would have went to the city with some teammates without saying a word to Rin. When he came home, he was already tired and starry-eyed, and Rin had watched his broad shoulders lie on the bed and thought of someone else's broad shoulders.

His heart ached some nights. Sousuke's shoulders turned to stand in his view in front of him when they walked in the swimming halls – instead of right next to him, shoulder against shoulder, like they used to.

''You can't stay on the team if you slack,'' Sousuke had said one night, and there was something in his eyes that Rin had not seen before. It was not just about the training. This was something else.

''How are you going to win gold if you don't focus on your training?'' he would continue, and huff when Rin told him to calm down.

There had not been a discussion on the surface. It had all been hidden in the tension, and Rin had put his phone away. Something had churned in his stomach. Those words haunted him, somehow. It reminded him of what his original goal was. To make his father proud. The purpose he had led himself. He solely on focused on training instead.

For a year, he did everything in his might to focus on the training. To win relays. To make Sousuke happy. To make his father proud.

The contact with Makoto lacked, once more. He forgot about everything and his old life back then.

* * *

The world crumbled around Rin a few months before he was about to turn twenty-six. It had been during running where a strain struck a nerve in his foot during jogging, and he had tried to call Sousuke for help, because he could only limp. It hurt badly, and he ended up calling some other team members, who immediately found him and brought him to the hospital.

Exhaustion. Pressure. Overtraining.

Rin was injured. Told off. Taken off the shelf. Set aside.

He had gotten an injury in his knee from the strain he had gotten through training too hard. It was bound to happen with the schedule he had made for himself. He had to get better. Sousuke had stood by the end of his bed and looked down on him, but could not look him directly in the eyes.

Rin would have to rest for at least two years to heal the injury. No direct swimming or running. Nothing.

Relax, he was told. Go home. Relax. He had the money to do so – to lay off the years and gather himself. But he was still running, and he was not ready to stop up, because if he did, it would all be over. Stopping would end him, he felt. This was everything he had fought for. To swim, to win.

Sousuke would continue without him. ''It's all up to the individual whether you win or lose,'' was something he sometimes said during practice.

Sousuke had been standing there, as mentioned. ''I can't do this anymore,'' he had said.

The rest came by itself, slowly.

And in the end, the scythe finally had its draw.

''We have to break up.''

Everything dissolved.

With tears he had hidden for later – hidden for years, for centuries, Rin sobbed aloud when those broad shoulders left his view and left the hospital. He was alone. So utterly alone. He was nothing. He could do nothing. He had stopped running, and he was limping. He was a dishonor to his family. He had left Makoto and his friends, cut the contact for this. In the end, it was all for nothing.

The tears draped down his cheeks and jumped off by the edge of his chin, and he cried himself hoarse until his breath was hitching repeatedly. His sight was blurry, nose blocked and voice garbled. He was angry, frustrated.

Guilty.

His mind acted on his own, and despite feeling unworthy of it, he dialed a familiar number on his phone.

''Makoto here,'' sounded a soft voice on the other line.

'**'Makoto…,**'' Rin whimpered, voice breaking over amidst it, swallowing heavily.

''Rin? What's wrong? What's going on?''

''Please, please… Just talk to me…., please.''


	2. Back then

To say that Makoto had been surprised by the sudden call from Rin was an understatement. It had been in the weekend while he was at Haruka's house that his phone had buzzed against his leg amidst the normalcy.

Makoto had been smiling when he fiddled the phone out of his pocket, tutting a light ''Who'd be calling me now?''. However, the smile quickly turned into a frown when a fragile, low voice murmured his name on the other line. ''Rin? What's wrong? What's going on?'' Makoto's voice grew an octave louder, and he furrowed his brows. Seconds later, Haruka came into the room, looking worried if not startled.

* * *

Rin was coming home.

It had been sudden – surprising and unexpected.

It was all Makoto knew. He only knew that Rin would be coming home. He did not know the reason as to why, did not know why Rin had been crying. All Rin had asked was for Makoto to continue speaking to him, and so Makoto had done – while Rin sobbed on the other line. Something strange had clenched in the pit of his stomach, unpleasant and peculiar. He had only once heard Rin cry, and that was during some certain circumstances. Makoto had talked about the weather, about his current education and his new apartment. He comforted Rin and told him that it was okay to be sad, that crying was okay. It was okay.

He only stopped chatting when Rin's breathing had evened and he sounded steady or somewhat calm. He did not ask why Rin was crying, but asked him how he was feeling instead. How could he make him feel better?

Rin had not responded to that, but merely said a terse ''thanks'', followed by a pause and then the words; ''I'm coming home again.''

Something unfolded in Makoto's chest when he said those words. Words that stirred thoughts in his brain. Emotions. Longing. Sorrow. His grip around the phone tightened. ''You can live with me in my apartment,'' he had said almost too quickly – without any further thought to it. The tone Rin had used before made him feel like it was necessary, as if it would be for the better, for some reason.

Rin chuckled and made a stretched sound, sniffling quietly. ''Makoto…,'' he had said, fondly. ''You never change, do you?'' he continued, sighing. Makoto chuckled, but there was no joy in it.

Makoto had ignored the other feelings among the excitement to see him again. They had not seen each other for nearly two years, and now he was coming home. Rin would be home. It settled something strange overall, but it was pleasant as well.

* * *

Two weeks later, Makoto stood in the kitchen of his small apartment, leaning against one of the counters. His leg would not stop jittering, and his fingers drummed on the desk. Rin was supposed to arrive there an hour ago, but the parking lot was continuously empty of any cars other than the usual, including his own. He sighed and settled to read some of his studies instead, perching his reading-glasses upon the brink of his nose as he rustled the stack of paper on the sofa desk.

He was startled when a shrilly tone resounded in the apartment later on, announcing that someone was ringing the bell from below at the front door of the building. Makoto nearly fell on his way to the little hall, pressing the 'speaker' button down on the receiver. ''Rin?'' he said as the first thing, and swallowed when he heard a voice on the other line – a ''Makoto,'' followed by a light chuckle. ''It's me,'' Rin said, and his voice sounded raspier than the usual through the line. Makoto could not help but to smile, albeit feeling nervous. He was just about to press the button that granted further allowance into the building when Rin continued: ''could you- could you come down to me? I'd need help.''

Makoto stopped in his tracks, puzzled. ''Sure, I'll be there in a few seconds,'' he said instead of asking why.

When he came down, he did not see Rin anywhere at first. He looked around in questioning, until a ''Hey – over here,'' made it to his ears, and he turned around and saw a car lounge close by – where he could just see a snitch of Rin standing behind it, unloading the luggage from the back.

However, he was surprised when he trotted over there in a hurry to help him, to see him fiddle helplessly with a small shoulder bag, maneuvering it onto his shoulder as he simultaneously tried to hold onto two crutches by squeezing his elbows into his ribs, standing on one leg. Makoto gaped and him, and then his mother-hen instinct butted in as he hurried over to take it from him with an affronted ''Rin!''.

''Geez,'' Rin muttered, letting Makoto take it as he fought with his balance and arranged his crutches properly again. ''I didn't bring much,'' he said – quickly, averting Makoto's concerned glare at him. ''What happened?'' the taller spoke, somewhat hectically, green eyes flickering repeatedly from the crutches to Rin's face. Rin gave him a crooked smile and a pair of lifted eyebrows, contributing with a stretched 'uh'. ''Injury in the knee,'' he said, shrugging, ''nothing special.'' Makoto looked at him as if he had been diagnosed with a fatal disease.

He helped Rin unload his luggage and carried them upstairs, while Rin then was to brace himself in a brave fight with the stairs. When Makoto offered to carry him, he was waved away with one of the crutches, and he had laughed softy. Some things never changed.

They conversed after that and was familiar with one another again since they had texted a lot in the previous weeks. Although they had not seen each other for nearly two years, it was somehow familiar to meet up again – as if time had not brought them apart. Rin was still struggling with the growth of Makoto's physique, his face no longer having any sort of childishness to it, despite his dopey eyes. Makoto's shoulders were broad and filled out as he stood in the doorframe of the small living room, asking if Rin wanted some tea or anything alike. Rin sat on the sofa and rested, tipping his chin as he sagged down and let out a heavy sigh.

''Do you still swim?'' he asked when Makoto came back with some tea and sat down on another chair on the other side of the small table, his hands too big for the small teacup. It amazed Rin how gentle he was anyway, cupping it as if it was a fragile bird.

Makoto looked up at him and nodded. ''Well…,'' he stretched the word and looked thoughtful. ''I do, sometimes. I'm currently studying fire technology for a further investment in becoming a firefighter, but in my free-time I lecture children at old Sasabe's place.'' Ever the generous type, Rin thought and huffed, automatically smiling fondly.

They had agreed that Rin would be staying at Makoto's apartment until he got his own around town, and they had managed to convey the conversation without Makoto knowing anything about why Rin was there. Rin did not say anything about the time back then where he had been crying, and Makoto had not stuck his nose somewhere it should not be, despite wanting to more than anything else. ''You're such a grownup,'' Rin chuckled, despite his eyes narrowed and he looked distant for a moment.

''What happened?'' Makoto asked when it became silent between them. Rin knew what he referred to immediately. He scratched his nape and fixed his glare on a sheet of paper on the table, scrunching his nose up. It took a while before he answered. ''Doesn't matter,'' he muttered, and Makoto's hold of the cup tightened – barely. ''Rin,'' he said. ''What happened?''

The redhead ran a hand through his hair and settled his palm against his forehead, taking a sharp inhale of air.

''Overtraining,'' he said.

Makoto understood.

He did not push him further than that.

* * *

Makoto understood that Rin was not going to stay in the town for just a few couple of months, but had to recover for a year or more and gather himself. There was more to it than what the eye could see. However, he offered the hospitality happily, despite an occasional churning occurred in his chest when Rin would look at him with a distant filter in his eyes. It was not hard to see that Rin was upset – and not just that, but rather depressed as he spent the first couple of days glaring out of the window, pretending to read books while he in reality stared aimlessly into the air.

It was surprising how simple the arrangement of everything was, because there was still much Makoto did not know, and Rin did not say anything. His usual sarcasm and snide remarks draped the floors instead and were barely there, barely talking - even when Makoto rambled on and attempted to make a living with him.

He had been surprised when he shopped groceries in the supermarket one day and was met by a picture of Rin at the front of the recent newspaper - along with the dramatized headline: 'Have the days drawn near for the Matsuoka?' along with smaller headlines as 'In recovery' – 'Injury in the knee' and 'Where is he now?'

The article itself consisted mostly of the success Rin had had throughout his carrier, but there was no certain knowledge of how Rin was doing in the currency. The journalist described how hard it had been to get in contact with the athlete, as well as the lack of an interview and explanation. However, there was a column where Rin's earlier teammate, Yamazaki Sousuke, explained very shortly that Rin had worked hard and pushed himself too far, and that he needed to rest for now. Makoto remembered the name, remembered the figure there. He ignored the feeling of something dreadful patching in his throat when he read the last column where the journalist asked about their love life – whether Sousuke was going to support him in the recovery or not. 'We're not together anymore.' he said, and on the next pages, a fuss about exactly that topic was shown.

In the evening when Makoto came home, he sat down with Rin and made a list of all the attractions that were around town, in case Rin had forgotten and needed something to do. He mostly wrote it himself, as the redhead had muttered something unintelligible and continued watching television. It was as if the roles had reversed somehow, he thought, although they had always been different nonetheless. Makoto took care of Rin, entertained him and nursed him because he wanted to, and Rin looked feeble as if reduced to a state where he was barely able to do anything himself - the skin underneath his eyes dark and weary and his movements heavy and slow.

* * *

Weeks passed. One evening as they were lazing on the sofa where Rin had been unusually quiet for most of the day, he had then turned on his head and looked up at Makoto with something unspeakable shown in his eyes as he asked ''Why are you doing this?'', voice small. ''Why would you-'' his breath hitched, ''when I-'' he covered his eyes by draping his arm over his face, hiding in the bend of his elbow. He sniffled and his voice became garbled. Instead of talking, his breath came out in frantic puffs as he curled up on the sofa. Makoto knew nothing, but at the same time everything, his knuckles whitening when he balled his fists in his khaki pants.

He knew that no words could comfort Rin back then.

And that was okay. It was okay to stay in the hurt, to feel it and let it overcome one.

Because Makoto knew that Rin had not done that for a long time. Rin had always been running, and he had never stood still and allowed the unpreventable thoughts and feelings to catch up to him. That was how Rin used to deal with things.

Rin was surprised when his bicep was grasped and he was pulled up to sit properly, speechless and his breathing stuttering as he was wordlessly manhandled onto Makoto's lap and then encircled by warm, strong arms. One of those hugs with great comfort and care, where Makoto's warmth seeped through their clothing and reached his own. Rin was stunned for a while, but then gave in. He hid his face in the juncture of Makoto's shoulder. He slowly let the barrier crumble as the first sob broke through, and wetness gathered at Makoto's collarbone.

''I don't-'' Rin sobbed, pausing shortly –

''I don't deserve this-''

He swallows.

''Makoto…,''

His grasp on Makoto's shirt loosened and clenched repeatedly, and he pressed his face against his shoulder. His voice wavered and he took in sharp inhales of air, shoulders trembling. ''I'm sor-'' he tried, but the words were stuck in his throat. ''sor-'' he continued – tried, but he could not – he could not shape the words on his lips.

Makoto's hold of him tightened and he ran one of his hands down his spine soothingly, the other tangling in the magenta locks, massaging there. ''It's okay,'' he murmured against Rin's scalp, mouth resting there. ''It's okay.''

Makoto faintly remembered the times where he had been upset as a child – felt restless because of a nightmare, and Rin had held him in his embrace and cradled him, even when he had become big enough to weight a lot. Rin did not have many words to say, but those he had were always cherished – were both thought- and impactful.

It was a strange experience, but showed how much the times had changed. There was a lot Makoto wanted to return, and lots he wanted to do – not for the sake of returning the impact Rin had had on his life. Rin fell asleep in his embrace, and Makoto carried him to bed, like Rin used to do with him. He tucked him in bed and sat on the edge of it, straying some of the magenta bangs away from his face.

He missed Rin, he realized. He felt strangely guilty for not having been there, even when he, for an example, through skype calls had seen how tired he had been back then. How Makoto had not said anything when Rin had come home late, barely able to chat because of hos tired he was, or all the times he had been upset when another incident or discussion with Sousuke occurred. Rin had become ever so distant, and again the texting had stopped, and Makoto had tried to forget about everything. Tried to forget about Rin, even if he knew that he could not.

He did not know when it started. Rin had always been dear to him – from the moment he stepped in with that toothy grin and mischievous crimson eyes, cheerful and energized. At first, they had been like brothers, and Rin had been his guardian. One of his close friends, next to Haruka. However,

he grew up. Puberty came. Other thoughts arrived with the clash of the unknown. He was confused. He was disgusted with himself when Rin came home for Christmas or other vacations, and Makoto held another excitement toward him than the usual. Wanted him to stay for a longer period, wanted more contact. Liked it when he smiled, to listen to him talking about swimming – about the Olympics. It had come gradually and not just in a crash and burn – the more intimate feelings. He had gotten a phone and could contact Rin, and Rin always wrote back as quick as he could – until he would not do so anymore.

Then Rin stopped coming home for Christmas and the texts stopped too. Makoto had been dating a few girls, and even tried out with Haruka before, but in the end, nothing shook away the strange fondness he held toward Rin. Nevertheless, years had passed and he had forgotten about him in the process, and the thought of Rin's presence had become something out of this world. But, in a blur of strange times, Rin had been back and stayed for months – right where Makoto had turned seventeen and was a bundle of insecurities and hormones.

Makoto remembered how a strange feeling had sunk to the bottom of his stomach when Rin had mentioned the word 'boyfriend'. He had not known, and the words had stung in his chest for a credible reason that made him feel thoroughly ashamed. Rin would look at him sometimes as if he was a stranger, and that hurt too. Nevertheless, it was also what he had wanted. To be seen for something else than a little brother or someone Rin should protect. He remembered the evenings where they had watched movies and sometimes held hands, and was surprised when Rin had not drawn away. His heart had been thundering against his ribcage and he had wanted to do many other things than just holding hands.

Rin had to leave again, but they kept the contact up for a much longer time until just a half year ago where it stopped. In the meantime, Makoto had had one of his first real relationships with intimacy and real feelings included. But even back then, he always held an eye to Rin and ended up texting with him till late in the evening, which had been unsettling to his ex. Slowly, the relationship had dimmed down and Makoto found an apartment and focused on his studies instead.

Now, he was here, with Rin lying in his bed in front of him.

He bit his lower lip and looked away, raising himself. He chose to sleep on the sofa that night.


	3. Right here

Something had changed since that night on the sofa.

The next morning, Makoto had awoken completely nestled in at least two duvets, along with the smell of bacon and omelet lingering in the apartment. He had blinked owlishly, unknowing of that was going on, but well, it smelled good – and his growling stomach had him stumbling out of bed.

When he peeked into the kitchen, he saw no other than Rin standing there, preparing breakfast. He even wore Makoto's one-sized apron, which always looked too small on himself – but seemed to fit well on the redhead. Something fluttered in Makoto's heart, a distant hope, a certain fondness. He could not stop smiling as he walked in with a soft ''Goodmorning, Rin.''

Rin had nearly jumped on his bad leg in response, staring wide-eyed back at Makoto. He averted his gaze at first but smiled too somehow stubbornly, muttering a ''Morning,'' as he continued his doings. It was still morning and Makoto's mind was hazy, and in a strange reflex, he had inched closer and looked at Rin cutting pepper, looking down from behind his shoulder. Close enough so that his chest was almost touching the others´ back. Rin tensed up slightly, turning his head to look back at him. ''Hungry?'' he asked, eyes flickering from Makoto's still sleepy eyes to his lips and back again, clearing his throat. Makoto had hummed softly as a yes, before he caught Rin's questioning eyes and noticed the lack of space between them. He drew back quickly – a fluster extended along his cheeks as his gaze ran along the room, anywhere else than at Rin. ''Ye- yes, yeah- sorry,'' he muttered and twiddled his thumbs, inching backwards. Rin chuckled.

* * *

With Rin, actions usually spoke louder than words.

Makoto knew this, which was why he did not question why Rin suddenly had prepared breakfast among other things. Rin had not become happier, but more alive than before. He got going. He started helping out with small things at first. Sometimes, despite his bad knee, he would help with laundry or help buy groceries. He would wait until Makoto got home and then they would do something – starting with small steps.

Weeks passed, once more. Rin had still not found an apartment to himself, but he had, in honesty, not even tried to look for one. Makoto had not brought the subject up either.

Not having trained for long, Makoto could see that Rin pined to get to run or jog again, to swim and to get moving. Makoto had gone to his old home and looked in his old stacks of paper, fishing out some training regiments that Rin had made for him when he had wanted to start swimming. Rin had come along unknowing of why they were headed there, and was welcomed by Ren and Ran, now teenagers, who nearly tackled him to the ground, whereas Makoto was to shoo them off for Rin's safety. They could still remember him, somehow. Makoto's mother was ecstatic as well – prepared a whole banquet for Rin's return, and had gone all mother hen on him. Rin had smiled for the rest of the day. Small steps.

It was first when they got home that he had asked where Makoto's father had gone. Makoto had stopped amidst his studies and looked up, perching his glasses. He looked troubled for a second and then sighed softly. There was a long break where nothing was said.

''Cancer,'' he muttered, and for the first time throughout the months, he had let a vulnerable side of him show as his brows furrowed, eyes glazed.

Rin had gone quiet.

''When?''

''A year and a half ago. The knot was detected just before you left again...,'' he said, eyes unfathomable but a present smile on his lips. ''It has still not… seeped in, kind of. It's weird-'' his breath hitched –

''- it happened so quickly,'' he breathed out and made another tight-lipped smile, closing his eyes briefly.

''Why didn't you tell me?'' Rin said, and he sounded angry all of sudden.

Makoto averted his eyes.

''You had enough to deal with. I didn't want to trouble you.''

''So-'' the corner of Rin's lip twitched and his brows arched for another reason that Makoto's. ''While we were skyping and texting- all that shit, and you looked ever so untroubled and happy-'' he coated his words and his shoulders hunched up as if trying to restrain himself –

'' - your father was dying at home?''

Makoto did not answer this, but he looked surprised by the way he had formulated his sentences.

Makoto looked lost and a little guilty, gaze continuously lingering on the sheet of paper he was inspecting before. He found that he had nothing to say to that.

''Really?'' Rin's voice had a strong tint to it now, resounding in the apartment as he gritted his teeth. Makoto's shoulders slouched as he tried to sink into himself, not knowing how to handle the tone that was used. Rin had barely ever shouted at him. One of the other times it had occurred had been when Makoto was smaller and had been picked on, and not reacted or told anyone because he thought they had a reason to do so. When Rin had found out, he had been downright fuming.

Makoto was surprised when Rin raised himself and, despite his knee, trotted over to him and grabbed his bicep, making him look up at him. ''So when I-'' he tried reasoning, but his eyes were already beyond filled with anger. ''You shouldn't-'' his words rambled now and he looked as if shaken. Makoto swallowed and looked up at him with wide eyes, voice faint as he muttered a soft ''Rin, I-''.

''How many times have this happened?'' Rin broke him off instead and held him tighter, fingers digging into his bicep as he gave it a yank and leaned in closer, making Makoto arch off the sofa, looking startled. ''How many times have you been in trouble and not told me?''

''I-''

His voice was nearly trembling with rage –

''It's my responsibility to- to make sure you're…''

He became quiet and stood still, albeit his eyes were telling so much more, muscles in his arms flexing. ''You should have told me,'' he said.

Something clicked inside Makoto's head.

His breath hitched and he bit his lower lip, his ever-calm temper flaring up unlike what it had ever done before. He felt angry, and guilty – but also lonesome and horribly **misunderstood**.

''I couldn't tell you – because you weren't there!'' he shouted, and Rin looked startled by the way he raised his voice.

''For the past years I- I've been the one who felt a responsibility to take care of you instead, before you're **breaking** yourself,'' he abruptly raised himself and gained an advantage in height, glaring down at Rin, meeting his eyes now.

''You come back into my life once in a while to tell me you're there and then you leave again – you ignore my text messages and every time, I see you slowly slipping out of my hands again—''

''Rin, you were **never** there to begin with!'' he felt the skin underneath his eyes simmer and his eyes were hurting. He wanted to cry, but swallowed heavily instead, pepping back the hurt. A habit.

He knew he was overreacting, but there was just so many knots rounded up in his chest, and they all slowly tightened when he saw the look on Rin's face, the way his voice wavered in a soft noise and he took a step back, slouching in his shoulders.

This was not how Makoto wanted it to be. He wanted to put it back on the shelf again and let it be, as he usually did.

''I know I'm selfish-'' he said, and he hated the way his tone faltered from being angry to vulnerable. However, this time he did not bow his head in a submissive gesture, but held his head high. ''But so are you!''

They stood still. The only noise filling the room was the ticking of the clock and the coffee machine churning from the kitchen.

Makoto wanted more than anything just to apologize and let everything slide, but this time, he did not. He stood unwaveringly and glared at Rin, who could not form any words on his lips and stared feebly back, small crinkles appearing around his eyes as he narrowed them, face looking pained. His hair had gotten longer and when he bowed his head, his bangs covered his eyes.

It was as if Rin had not expected all the bad things, his responsibilities and causes to catch up on him, but they did. It was the same as the before. Rin was not running anymore. He stood still, and the ghosts of the past as well as the present caught up with him, even face to face.

Rin looked the other way, and his voice was hollow. ''I know.''

''I know,'' he repeated, and his shoulders were trembling. Makoto stood still, despite wanting to embrace him anew. ''I thought-''

''I thought I could manage all by myself.''

''I thought I-'' he rubbed the nape of his neck.

''I thought I had to be something.''

He ended it with a shuddering sigh.

''I wanted to be something. Someone.''

''I didn't know it'd hurt the people around me, but when first I got into the cycle…, I couldn't stop.''

Makoto looked at him softly then.

''I hated myself,'' he said, and there was such a thick spite in his words that had Makoto taken aback.

''because I couldn't be anything to my family. To my friends. To the world. To Sousuke-''

''and to you.''

This time, Makoto did step closer and brought his arms around him. He was surprised when Rin immediately returned it, burrowing his face in his shoulder. ''You are someone,'' Makoto said.

''To me…,''

''- you're Rin, ''

He held him tighter and buried his fingers in his magenta locks, loosening his ponytail in the process. ''- and you're everything you're supposed to be,'' he whispered against his scalp and he could almost feel the way Rin's heart hammered in his chest – feel it against his own.

Rin's breath was warm against his throat when he turned on his head, coming out in small puffs that fanned over his skin. ''I'm sorry,'' he said.

''I'm so sorry,'' and the course had its turn when his voice broke off throughout it. This time, however, Rin locked his arms around Makoto's neck and drew him down to embrace him fully, and Makoto nearly stumbled over by the suddenness of it. He had to crane in his back, but accepted it nonetheless. They held each other close and things felt different from before. Rin winced though when he rested a bit too much on his bad leg, and Makoto yelped and immediately withdrew himself.

He blinked owlishly when he saw the smile on Rin's lips, although it was wobbly and a bit insecure, but nonetheless the happiest smile he had seen since he arrived.

''We're not alone,'' Rin said, and poked Makoto on the chest, making the taller release a soft, questioning noise. ''So let's work together,'' he continued, and Makoto knew what he meant. He knew it all too well.

It was all he had wanted to hear.

''Yeah,'' he smiled brightly; smile big enough to strain his cheeks, dimples shaping there. Warmth had draped down his cheeks, but Rin had not commented on it. They locked hands, and things were not complete or perfect, but it was okay.

It was okay.

* * *

Things continuously changed between them. Sometimes it was back to the normal where Rin wanted to decide what to watch during the evenings, waving the remote control in his hand, saying that he had the right to since he was the oldest. Sometimes Makoto would whine about his English, Rin laughing at his pronunciation whereas he would have a pillow sent flying his way. They would watch comedy movies (and occasionally horror), and blanket-hogging Makoto ended up with all of the duvets, as always.

However, there were also times where, yet again, the tides had changed. There were times were they fell asleep on the couch – Makoto's head resting on Rin's shoulder, and Rin had felt an urge to entwine their hands. Makoto was not his little brother, he found himself thinking. He was one of his best friends, and something else. Before, he had felt a sibling like relationship to him, but that could not last for long. The fondness he held towards him in strange times were not brother-like, he thought. He could not put words on it though. The Makoto he began to saw was not the one who once had wanted Rin to read nighttime stories to him.

This Makoto could take responsibility for himself and had a humane wisdom that Rin could not get a grasp on. He was tall, broad and muscular. The only boyish feature about him were his eyes and sometimes his dimples, but his cheeks were no longer soft since he was getting another stubble, not having shaved for a while.

Rin had felt restless one of the nights, thinking of Makoto. To distract himself, he did his usual routine - careful of his knee. No jogging or running. Instead, he did sit-ups and workouts that were safe enough, and the recovery workouts to further the healing of his injury. He kept in shape despite not being as active as before, and sometimes Makoto even had to drag him away from the training regimen to make him relax or settle down. In just a few months, he would be able to jog again if he was lucky, and if his doctor was right. Small steps.

There was as well the fact that Sousuke had texted him.

Just a brief ''How are you doing?'' the day before where Rin had walked in the city with Makoto, since a smaller festival was held. When Rin mentioned Sousuke's name, Makoto had stopped in his tracks and given him a peculiar look. Rin had wanted to leave it be. Back when they had broken up, Sousuke had left without a trace amidst his recovery – and then, almost a half year later, he finally sent a message.

''Fine.'' Was all Rin sent back, and no more than that.

One night, Rin had perked up and stared at Makoto, saying the simple name: ''Haruka.'' He was reminded of him for some strange reason, wondering about his whereabouts. Makoto chuckled and leaned back on the couch, ''Oh, Haruka? He's on a study tour right now and won't be back for another half year or so,'' he said. Rin looked thoughtful.

''What is he studying?''

''I'm not sure. He's not very informative, all I know is that he wants to become a chef,'' Makoto said and laughed due the face Rin made. The questioning about why a water fanatic would want to become a chef was ever apparent.

Rin looked out of the window shortly. ''What could I become?'' he said, mostly to himself. Makoto knew what the doubt in his voice meant.

''You can't say that yet,'' Makoto responded and raised himself. ''Let's have your knee healed and then we'll take it from there. Now is not the time for you to wonder about that. You're here to gather yourself,'' he tilted his head and sent Rin a smile,

''- not to puzzle your mind any further.''

Rin felt struck for a moment. His throat was dry and he could only nod.

* * *

They talked a lot.

Discussions about swimming, food, the different countries as well as what had happened during the time they were apart. For some reason, things turned domestic. They would make food together or switch duties, make plans for the evening or the weekends where Makoto did not have to go to school or study.

Rin began to join the coaching at Sasabe's place. At first, he would stand from a distance and look at how Makoto had done so. Makoto was ever angelic, calm and patient with the kids. The kids loved him, and the way they all interacted had a strange churning ensue in Rin's stomach. He would almost call it cute.

Then, Makoto had suggested that Rin could coach as well. Rin had been iffy about the idea. About kids. However, when first he got started, he was almost just as mournful about leaving as the kids were. The kids loved Rin too, as always pointing out his sharp teeth as they mimicked a shark and Rin would be playful about it as well.

He was not allowed to swim, but could put on a swimsuit and guide the children in the pool, holding their hands as he taught them how to kick their legs correctly. He was not nearly as patient as Makoto, but far more playful and made them competitive without it being too much. Sometimes, Rin and Makoto would quarrel softly about the training methods, where Makoto was more used to kids as for handling them too.

One of the kids had once pointed at them with a big smile, a few milk teeth missing, as she had said that it was just like her parents when they could not decide what to watch on the television.

Rin and Makoto had exchanged skewed smiles at her innocence, but they had both been somehow flustered.

A night after coaching, Makoto was the one to prepare dinner. When they had eaten, he was to go to bed since he had to go on a tour with his class early in the morning and would not be home until late. Rin was cleaning the bits from the meal when he froze up as Makoto had stood in front of him and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his temple, an arm circled around his waist comfortably, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Rin's heart had sped up and he had felt fond and light inside his chest just for a split second until Makoto drew apart with an exhausted ''Night, Rin,'' as he stalked off to his bedroom. It was as if Makoto had gone on standby and done it out of reflex, seemingly not noticing Rin's wonder.

With small steps, things were changing.


	4. With me

Sometimes, Makoto had the tendency to act like a hen-mom or homemaker. Rin was also one who stood in the doorframe in the mornings once in a while, asking if Makoto had brought his bento to his studies and things alike – huffing indignantly whenever he had forgotten to button his shirt all the way up.

''When is the next time we'll coach the children?'' Rin asked tiredly one morning, yawning as he was stretched out along the sofa, maneuvering like a lazy cat while his shirt was drawn up in the process and a part of his stomach became visible. Makoto passed by in a hurry, packing his bag as he flung the answers over his shoulders, a yelped ''Tomorrow evening,'' and another lamented ''I'll really be late today, for real,'' as he nearly stumbled over one of Rin's crutches on the floor.

He stopped up and pouted visibly in Rin's direction, granting him one of those puppy eyed dopey looks that made Rin feel like he had kicked a cute animal. ''Rin, you can't leave your crutches on the floor. When did you become so lazy?'' he chided gently, although there was no menace in it and he was more than likely settled in his usual hen-mom mode. Rin groaned and raised himself. He could almost walk normally by then, but his doings still had a limp to it. He trotted over and gathered his crutches, sticking his tongue out at Makoto. ''You're supposed to be the older,'' Makoto continued and Rin lamented again with another tired groan, saying a ''yeah, yeah – I'm a responsible adult,'' as he gave Makoto's shoulder a gentle puff, walking into the kitchen.

Makoto followed him and looked befuddled to see that breakfast had already been made – his favorite, along with a glass of milk lined up on the little kitchen table in the middle. ''Eat up, big boy,'' Rin grinned toothily at him and sat down on his side of the table. ''You're a darling,'' Makoto sounded amazed as he sat down and begun his meal, although it was hurried and he had to wolf it down. ''Not as lazy as you think,'' Rin retorted when Makoto hummed happily with the fork in his mouth, as always enjoying it when Rin decided to cook. ''I take it back,'' he huffed fondly and raised himself when he was done, about to pick up his plate when Rin swatted his hands away – ''hey, I'll clean. Go study and make me proud or something – whatever.''

''You're an angel,'' Makoto teased – again - and hurried out to pack the rest of his stuff. Rin pulled his lips back in a snarl at this, but could not excuse the bubbly feeling that occurred in his chest.

Recently, he had really enjoyed doing things for Makoto. Simple things, but usually something that made Makoto's eyes light up and his smile turn wider. He did not know why he did it, but he could not help himself not to want to see those expressions on Makoto's face – especially when the appreciation was directed towards him. There was something special about, for once, treating the other something as a contrast instead of Makoto being the one serving Rin whatever he pleased.

Then there were also all the things Makoto would call him. For an instance, the word darling was mentioned at least twice a day whenever Rin did something for him. Angel was another, and sometimes the words 'gem' and 'daisy' appeared too. It made Rin's heart do weird flops, and something told him he should not enjoy it, but he secretly did.

Makoto was nearly out of the door when Rin bid in with a low **'hey, hey' **coming from the hall. The taller turned around and looked confused for a second or two, until he noticed the card Rin fanned between two of his fingers, looking unimpressed and unctuous. ''Do you think you can get anywhere without your travel card, city boy?'' Rin arched his brows and gave him an incredulous look. Makoto laughed and quickly snatched the card, ''thank god you're here to look out for me,'' teasingly – relieved.

''Jesus Christ, how can you forget it?'' Rin complained in a mutter, but was surprised when he was drawn into a sudden hug and held tight. He felt numb against Makoto's body, heart beating fast when he felt something soft press against his cheek as the taller gave him a quick peck.

Makoto withdrew himself again, smiling angelically as ever before disappearing out the door with a ''Thank you, Rin!''

Rin was left standing in the little hall with burning cheeks and a wobbly smile on his lips, holding a hand upon the cheek where Makoto had kissed him.

* * *

Things were definitely changing. Their touches became different, carried other meanings – and it was strange. It was strange for Rin to experience that he looked at Makoto in an entirely different light. Even though there were the incessant ebbs of nostalgia and childhood memories here and there, it turned fond in another way than it had done before. Things were not like before – not as they used to be.

Rin was not the same anymore, and he was twenty-six and had been through a lot: for the first time in many, many years halting to take a break – suddenly capable to see and observe everything he had missed in the years he had been running and emotionally constipated.

He begun to answer his worried team members again to check how they were doing, as well as contacting his friends that he had not seen in a while. He sent a message to Haruka as well through Facebook, wondering if he was still the same as he used to be.

The thing about being with Makoto was that he felt like he could be himself. Wholeheartedly. For whatever he did, he was either scolded, helped or supported. However, in every aspect, he was acknowledged one way or another. That was a thing he had not been used to. With Makoto, Rin had for the first time wanted to give something, and not just to receive. Before, he felt a need to receive because he felt malnourished in terms of receiving affection.

However, Makoto always gave his all. He was observant and knowing too. Caring and always there, even when he should not be and should rather tend and take care of himself. Rin somehow made it his duty to feed Makoto with affection too, because he knew that sometimes he could need it, although all his actions were done in unbeneficial matters, mostly.

* * *

Before Makoto had to go on a trip with his class for six days, he made sure to buy enough groceries so that Rin could survive while he was gone. Rin had complained about it, saying he could take care of himself – and that there was definitely not a need for Makoto to buy all those things to him – and no, not his favorite gummy bears either, and- no, stop Makoto – not yet another action movie (which Rin had talked about buying just the other day).

''You're hopeless,'' Rin had sighed and held a hand against his forehead in disbelief. It had been one of those mornings again where he was standing only in his boxers and a t-shirt – hair unruly and eyes owlish, whereas Makoto was almost out of the door – as busy he was.

'Want to use my car?'' Rin asked, and Makoto shook on his head. ''It's fine, I'll just head with the train.''

Makoto put on his jacket and adjusted it, perching his glasses upon the brink of his nose. ''No contact lenses today?'' Rin yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Makoto shook on his head, ''not today. I'm in a hurry.''

His eyes widened, as if remembering something. ''You know the dishwasher is broken, right?''

''Yes,'' Rin groaned, sighing. Makoto had told him about it at least four times in the last span of ten minutes.

''Remember that there's Mad Men in the TV around 7 PM, right?''

''Yes...''

''Remember to coach the children on Friday-'

''Yes! Oh god, Makoto. Isn't it me who is supposed to ask you about all sorts of stuff? Do you have your travel card, for an example, huh?''

Makoto froze and patted the pockets in his jacket. ''Uh-'' he mumbled, smiling dumbly.

Rin sighed overdramatically and disappeared in the living room for a second, returning with the card in his hand. ''Here you go, idiot,'' he mumbled and yawned into the bend of his arm, blinking his eyes. He was smiling though and went in to hug Makoto, startling the taller by the action.

He buried his face in Makoto's summer blouse, mushing his cheek there as he sighed. ''Six days, huh? Must be the longest we've been apart for the past months,'' he muttered, chuckling slightly. Makoto nodded with a faint, breathless ''yeah.''

Then, Rin leaned up and pressed his face against the crook of his throat, pressing his lips there softly in a barely noticeable gesture, lingering for a second or two. When he withdrew, his hand still stayed on Makoto's bicep, fondly hovering there.

''Have fun,'' he said in a genuine well wish, giving his arm a quick squeeze. He pursed his mouth – ''Not too much fun, though,'' giving the other a smarmy grin.

Makoto looked stunned, but nonetheless, seconds later a smile appeared on his face and he tilted his head. ''I will.''

Rin stood in the kitchen and waved down at Makoto while he walked across the parking lot outside.

When he was out of Rin's sight, he stopped walking. He stood still for a second or two and then buried his face in his hands as he squatted down, shoulder bag rutting against his hip and then to the ground in the process. He swallowed heavily and could not fight the blush prickling on his cheeks as he replayed the scene before inside his head repeatedly. He laughed and then he smiled, biting his lower lip in order not to cheer aloud and jump around. He took a deep inhale and breathed out through his nose, shaking his shoulders and his head to focus again.

* * *

Rin had gotten used to having Makoto around. It was Makoto's apartment after all, but he slowly felt like it was where he belonged, strangely. However, it was not entirely the same without the tall brunette wandering around here and there.

Nevertheless, Rin decided to play it nice, though. The fact that Makoto, without any further thoughts, had given Rin his hospitality was more than enough. Rin spent the first day cleaning the apartment and every room, efficiently cleaning the mess he had made throughout the weeks in the living room, considering that the sofa had become his most beloved bed. It had been a strain to his knee at some points, but he managed nonetheless.

In the evening, he had been too tired to prepare any dinner for himself. He inspected the refrigerator for anything edible – and there was more than enough. He nearly cursed when he saw that Makoto had arranged a plate of food ready to be warmed up, because when did he have time to do that? Makoto was one of those rare wonders in the world, he thought.

He had spent some nights alone before where Makoto had first been home late or had to hang out with some friends (and Rin even joined sometimes and got to know Makoto's friends too), but with the knowledge that Makoto would not be home for another six days, it suddenly felt a little lonesome.

He watched the movie that Makoto had bought for him, and afterwards walked a little restlessly around in the small apartment, not knowing what he should be doing. In the process, he glanced towards Makoto's bedroom and felt his curiosity gnaw his inner. He had not been much in Makoto's bedroom at all. Socializing mostly happened in the living room or kitchen, but not in there.

Rin opened the door slowly and turned on the light.

Makoto's room was small, filled out by his closet, his bed and desk. Rin was met by a faint whiff of vanilla or something alike. It smelled like Makoto in a nice way – as a basic smell that made him feel entirely at ease.

He stepped further in and looked around at the small things here and there. He laughed when he saw the little plush doll lying on the middle of the bed – an orca plush doll that Rin had bought for Makoto when he was only nine and they had gone to a festival held in their town.

The bed was a little rumpled, and there were clothes lying around here and there, like there should be. Not even Makoto was tidy when it came to his own room. Rin picked up one of the shirts lying on the duvet, holding it up and in front of himself. It was a black and white shirt with stripes on it. Makoto had been wearing it the other day, Rin remembered.

He felt stupid, somehow. He felt even more stupid when he tugged off his own shirt and threw it to the ground, still holding on to Makoto's shirt. He felt like the stupidest person in the entire universe when he drew it over his head and wore it himself, holding the collar to his face as he inhaled Makoto's scent. He felt entirely stupid when his knees wobbled and his grip on the oversized shirt tightened, whereas he hid his face in the fabric and missed Makoto. It had only been one day.

That night, he slept in Makoto's bed, wearing his shirt – surrounded by the smell and thoughts of him.

He developed a routine of sleeping in Makoto's bed and wearing his shirts, too. For the first couple days, he wore the striped shirt until it smelled more like himself and less like Makoto. He washed it and turned to the next he could find in the room then, and even went out in town wearing it, despite the fact that it hung loosely on his shoulders. A friend came over one of the days and they had fun in a bar, and afterwards when he was home again, he flumped onto Makoto's bed as he burrowed himself there, finding comfort.

He spent a half hour texting with Makoto through the days – about what Makoto was experiencing, how he was doing and so on, specially chatting about the recent Mad Men episode. Rin did not know how to feel about the fact that Makoto had no knowledge whatsoever about him sleeping in his bed, wearing his shirts. He decided not to mention it, at least.

On the last day, Rin prepared some good dinner for Makoto's return. He waited up late to welcome him even though the food turned cold. Later, he got a message from Makoto that said he would first be home the next morning if he was lucky. Therefore, Rin went to bed instead with the thought that he could wake up early and sneak onto the couch again before Makoto would notice anything.

However, that night he woke up to the sound of the bedroom door opening – light from the living room creeping in. Makoto stood still in the doorframe for a while, and Rin felt like his heart was about to pop out of his chest of both embarrassment and something else, still pretending to be asleep. But Makoto did not shove him out of the bed or anything. He undressed himself as quietly he could until he was only wearing boxers. When he disappeared in the living room, Rin thought he had decided to sleep on the couch – until he appeared in the door again and there was no light anymore when the door closed and Makoto stepped in.

Makoto found his way to the bed, and Rin was very aware of the fact that he was lying in the middle, probably filling the most of the bed out. The bed dipped when Makoto slid in, and he inched closer and snaked an arm around Rin's waist, dragging him close to him as he spooned him and buried his face in his hair, sighing softly.

Rin's heart was hammering against his ribcage. He was hyperaware of the way he could feel Makoto's heart pound too, feel his body warmth seep through and mingle with his own.

It lulled him to sleep though, and he fell asleep feeling more rested and peaceful than what he had experienced in years.


	5. To me

When Makoto awoke the next day, the space next to him was empty and the apartment smelled like food. Rin stood in the kitchen and prepared breakfast to him. Everything was back to the average, except that Makoto could from the moment he stepped into the kitchen notice how Rin tensed up and his ears became pink around the shells.

He could only but smile, because it was like Rin to react that way. However, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when he noticed that the redhead was still wearing his shirt. One of his favorite shirts – yellow with different nuances and a streak of orange. It hung loosely on his shoulders and was a bit crumbled, showing that Rin had taken a rather sturdy use of it. It was long enough so that it covered a bit of his bum too, making it look like he was not wearing anything underneath, just barely.

Rin bid in with a muttered ''Morning,'' as he turned a pancake on the stove, adding a: ''Slept well?'' as if they had not just spent the night huddled up together, spooning. Makoto found that he did not have anything to say to that, because rather than answering the question; he wanted to jump around like a kid due the giddiness he was feeling. He felt like a child all over again, strangely – unlike he had ever done so before.

When he had come home that night, he had also noted that Rin had simply cleaned the whole apartment from top to toe, even swept the floors and things alike, and when he had not been able to find him in the apartment upon arrival, he had been worried. However, he was left in utter surprise when he had found Rin burrowed in a couple of blankets on his bed, in one of his shirts – awaiting his arrival.

It had felt strangely domestic – like returning from a long journey to come back home to the place he loved the most – to find the person he loved the most awaiting there.

Therefore, when Makoto stood in the kitchen there the following morning, with Rin preparing breakfast to him as he granted him shy glances over his shoulder just to notify that he was still there, he was in a loss of words.

He straddled the inside of his cheek and had to look away, smiling dumbly. He sat himself on his special spot on the other side of the table and breathed out, biting his lower lip. Rin had turned around and given him a worried look, although he fidgeted a bit and his cheeks were straddled by a fluster. ''Makoto? You, uh, you okay there?''

Makoto looked up at him and finally snapped out of his daze – nodding. ''Yeah- yeah, I just- yeah,'' he said airily, smiling dopily at Rin, whose eyes widened. ''I'm just feeling really-'' he took a deep inhale and had to close his eyes briefly, tipping over with the joy, ''really happy…'' he finished, and his cheeks were straining from smiling so much.

When he opened his eyes, Rin was standing there with an awed look on his face, until he snapped out of it and his cheeks turned even redder. The redhead was twenty-six, Makoto thought, but he still managed to wear this utterly adorable look upon his face – and it was awful, because it really did something to Makoto's poor heart.

''G-Great! Nice- I mean, hell yeah-'' Rin babbled, and he turned around and nearly squawked when he bumped into the handle of the pan on the stove. ''That's good to hear,'' he finished in a shy mutter, and his shoulders slouched as if relieved.

''Stop it,'' Rin had muttered during breakfast, fork in his mouth and he took in a piece of pancake. Makoto had hummed a ''Stop what?'', tilting his head.

''That thing-'' he tried, but pursed is mouth.

''What thing?''

''The looks…,''

''What looks?''

''That one!''

''What do you mean, Rin?'' Makoto bared his teeth in a pearly smile as he grinned into his glass when he drank some milk. Rin made an exaggerated sigh and shook on his head, lips wobbling into a smile. ''Never mind,'' he chuckled.

* * *

Makoto begun to do these weird things around Rin – smiling dreamily almost every time they were conversing one way or another. There was a constant smile lingering upon his lips – when he bathed, when he was reading, when he went to his studies. He would sigh happily and let his gaze linger on the redhead whenever he passed by.

Not that Rin minded, really. He did just not know what to do with it, because things were changing – as per the usual, but suddenly they had taken a major step amidst it. Things happened between them, things Rin had not expected to happen. Feelings that he did not think he would ever have gotten begun to blossom.

There were moments where he felt ashamed for thinking of Makoto in any other ways than as a brother, a close friend or someone he used to babysit. Then again, it was not as if he could help it. He had not always felt like this for Makoto – it was something that came recently, but had developed through the last two and a half year, started when Makoto turned seventeen and they spent many nights skyping together, sharing news, lectures – among other things.

Rin had to sit down one day and tell himself that it was okay. He was not Makoto's protector, and Makoto could do fine himself. What brotherly relationship they had had when they were smaller was innocent and not meant for anything other than that. Tides changed though, and that was okay. It was okay. The only thing he thought of then was what other people would think of them being together. Most of the folks in the town knew how close they had been when Rin had been like a guardian to him – when Makoto still had his dopey eyes, round cheeks and his light, bubbly voice.

Rin also wondered if they were at the same stage in their lives – if they were profitable for one another. Given their ages – they had to be in different points of their lives. The amount of experience they had had were not the same. Turn it around though, and then Rin was to remember that Makoto held an unusual sense of maturity and humane wisdom. In that sense, it made them stand with the same emotional intelligence and state. To be more precise, it sometimes seemed like Makoto held an even greater wisdom when it came to people and interactions than what Rin, the former and famous Olympic swimmer, did.

In addition, despite newfound bubbly interactions and things alike, some things still had not changed. Could not change in the span of a few months. That was the uneasiness Rin sometimes held – the insecurities he underneath the surface of his rowdy attitude, always had held. He forgot about them most of the time, but there were nights where it flared up and became unbearable, given that he stood still and could not run away from it. He had to take it all in and let it simmer there, making him unpleasant to be around occasionally. However, Makoto allowed him – every time.

He would let Rin saunter in the living room and do his, and sometimes they would sit on the couch in each end, and Rin would not want any contact – and that was okay. They would just sit there with each mug of coffee and sip it quietly while watching a movie, using a computer or reading a book.

Makoto had his moments too, but his way of handling those occasions were different from Rin. He would only become quiet and smile less, but interact with people nonetheless and doze off a few couple of times. Here, Rin would usually become a worrywart and make jokes and things alike, which sometimes helped – and sometimes did not. Those were the moments where Rin had to accept that he had nothing to do about it. Moments where, if Rin were upset, Makoto would have let Rin saunter in the sadness and allow him, while Rin was the opposite and became pushy and all jokes and inspirational speeches to lift the mood.

They were two very different people who, nonetheless, seemed to share same interests and a peculiar chemistry.

Things were not perfect, but it was okay.

It was okay.

* * *

Rin continued to receive a few messages from Sousuke here and there. It piqued his interest slightly, because Sousuke had been his light for the span of more than four years. He found that he did not miss him, but scars were still marred here and there, left behind. There were moments he missed the thought of their relationship – of Sousuke, because fond memories did not shatter easily – and old flares and feelings did not, either. There was a difference between missing a person and missing the thought of a person, though, and that made itself clear.

Rin was busy enough, though, because Makoto was still a numbnut when it came to remembering his travel card.

''Unbelievable,'' Rin sighed as he extended his hand to grant Makoto the card. Makoto laughed awkwardly and took it, and that day he did not need to wear a jacket because summer was steadily arriving.

The weather was warm and Rin thought of running, of swimming and of moving when Makoto tugged the card into the pocket on the back of his jeans - tongue stuck out in concentration.

When Rin had dazed off staring out the window, Makoto had tutted lightly and strayed a few bangs out of his face, startling the other. The gesture had been so fond it had his heart pounding, and they stood close – very close. ''We can go out to the coast when I get home, since I don't have that many classes today. The sun will still be out and all,'' Makoto said, and Rin nodded, eyes a bit glazed. Makoto was active as well and had already been out running in the morning. From the start of living together, Makoto had refrained from doing so since Rin could not – but at last, Rin pushed him into doing it again. He did not need pity.

''Sounds good.''

They stood like that for a while, with Makoto's hand lingering just next to Rin's cheek, rolling some of the magenta strands between his thumb and index finger.

''Where do you think we will be in a year and a half when I've almost finished my recovery?'' Rin suddenly asked, softly.

Makoto looked thoughtful for a moment.

''I hope I'd be jogging next to you, and then we could go for a swim.''

Something in Rin's chest tightened and then loosened in a split second, making him release a soft noise.

''Sounds good,'' he said again, and somehow, one of his hands had found its way to Makoto's waist, lingering there – picking at his tricolored shirt and its soft fabric. He pressed a thumb into the shirt to feel Makoto's presence, and could feel how the abdominal muscles flexed there when he brought his hand to the middle and ran a finger down the bridge between his abs, through the clothing.

He leaned up and their faces were close – closer than they had ever been before when it then held a different meaning.

Makoto kept his eyes open when Rin pressed his lips softly to the corner of his mouth. It was a chaste kiss, but lasted for several seconds where the background noises dimmed and all that mattered were the touch, the curve of Makoto's mouth perching into a light smile. Their eyes were locked in a lasting gaze and Makoto could outline Rin's slender eyelashes – every single one of them.

When he slowly withdrew again, Makoto leaned down and rested his lips against the bit of his temple and some hair, inhaling there. His arms snaked around Rin's form as he brought him closer until his face was buried in the juncture of Makoto's throat.

They stood like that for some minutes. Birds were chirping outside and rays of sunshine shone through and into the kitchen, lighting up the dust particles lazily floating around.

* * *

When Makoto came home, they did as promised. They went out to the coast and shared some ice cream – but that was it. Amidst the fondness, they had forgotten they had to coach the children – so they had to hurry home after having spent nearly two and a half hours at the beach and around the area there.

The children were more giddy than the usual and welcomed the both of them with joyed smiles. There had been a break with the coaching, so that was the first time they had seen them in a month or so. Makoto and Rin zipped up in their swimsuits and went ahead. It was fun, and it was even stranger that it felt more domestic with kids around as they joined in on lecturing them. They would create a circle and all hold hands, as they had to dive underneath the water for twenty seconds. Rin would send him feisty smirks under the water and stick his tongue out at him when he was told not to make the kids so competitive about swimming.

The kids enjoyed their interactions and either joined sides or had their own arguments. Makoto especially dealt with a kid that was afraid of water, although the fear had been far worse before in the beginning.

Here, Makoto was familiar with that feeling, and Rin knew that well. He secretly eavesdropped on Makoto's little inspirational speech to the child and afterwards mentioned it when they were in the locker rooms to undress as the children had been scooped up and gone home with their parents.

Makoto was in the middle of putting on his pants and he fumbled with a ''time really flies,'' while he got his legs through it properly, tugging up in the jeans. ''I remember when I was a kid and I was scared of the ocean.''

''That was a harsh period,'' Rin bid in. He stood with his back turned to Makoto and was still unzipping his swimsuit, or trying to – at least. Makoto chuckled and walked over to him. ''Here, let me help you,'' he said as he took a hold of the zipper on the back and pulled it down. The muscles in Rin's back pulled tight and his shoulder blades hunched together in the middle when he tensed as Makoto ran the back of his hand softly along his spine.

''I've always wondered what it'd be like to have kids,'' he suddenly said, and Rin looked over his shoulder at him. ''You're only nineteen, though. But - so have I, although I'm gay as dicks and I'd have to adopt,'' he said and shrugged, and Makoto laughed aloud. ''Yeah.''

''That wouldn't be bad, would it?'' the brunette continued, in the meantime helping Rin undress himself as he peeled the swimsuit off his shoulders and down so that his torso was revealed. Rin's hair stood on end and he shivered by the hit of the coldness in the room. ''Adopting?''

Makoto hummed a yes.

Rin made a thoughtful sound. ''I don't think so, no. Of course, people would prefer to nurse someone of their own blood and genes…, but in the end, what matters is the bond they share. If you adopt a kid and treat them with love as they now have become your own – it'd be the same. You'll still see yourself in the kid because they will be affected by their parents and the environment they grew up in nonetheless.''

Makoto's hand halted on his back, stopping at the small bend there just above his buttocks. ''Rin,'' he said, and there was something thick in his voice. Rin's answer was breathless - a small ''yeah?''

''You're really great,'' he said and leaned down, pressing his lips to Rin's shoulder, close to the neck. He stood close so that his chest touched Rin's back, aligned. Makoto was always warm – like a personal furnace with gentleness and heated touches. He could hear Rin swallow heavily as he brought his arms around him, splaying his fingers out across his taut stomach.

Rin did not have anything to say to that, so in reflex he muttered a ''you think so?'', breath doing a stutter when he could feel Makoto's other hand peel the swimming suit further down so that his lower region was bared as well. While Rin was naked, Makoto was only wearing his black jeans and underwear, although his fly was open and unbuttoned.

Makoto had always been a sight on his own, one way or another. He had worriedly mentioned a few times to Rin how people would not stop glaring at him in the changing rooms or round and about whenever he had to strip down, because he was toned – perhaps a little more than the usual studs around town. Rin could feel how his stomach flexed when he drew closer. He was even nicer in touch, with his firm body pressed close and present.

Rin, on the other hand, was far from just skinny either, being an Olympic swimmer and everything. Albeit having lost a bit of muscle due the lack of training, he still filled out properly and kept in shape. Makoto liked his smooth, pale skin – softened by all the time he had spent in the water, training and in care. He brushed his lips against the side of his throat too, a soft gush of breath fanning over the skin there. He leaned even more forward and braced himself with one hand against the locker in front of Rin, and Rin spread his legs a bit as the suit slid down his thighs to lie on the ground.

In order to let Makoto get closer, he craned in his neck and bared his throat further, letting out a soft keen when the other parted his lips and nibbled softly, brushing the tip of his tongue there too just barely. Rin was surprised when Makoto spoke – so gently, but with a voice like a thorough rumble, a ''There are so many things I want to do with you, Rin…,'' and Rin's legs felt wobbly all of sudden – heart doing somersaults in his chest.

His breath was ragged when Makoto drafted his hand on his stomach further down, brushing his half-hard erection. ''Like what?'' He asked, somehow timidly – but with the usual playful tune to it. Makoto chuckled against his throat, smiling there, but did not answer.

Rin felt a jolt through his legs when the taller slid his fingers down and just around his arousal – teasingly. He dug his fingers into his thigh instead, tracing his fingers there in small circles – occasionally brushing the underside of Rin's scrotum.

Rin was backed against the locker as Makoto made him do so with the sturdy proportions of his body. He arched his pelvis against the split between his buttocks, and Rin shivered due the cold contrast of his cock brushing the metal of the locker. Makoto was cruel, he decided, because the brunette had still not touched him, but only continued to knead his thigh, arching against him softly from behind as he smiled into the crook of his neck.

Definitely not innocent, at least.


	6. Like

They did not make any further progress, because they were both sent flying at least a meter in the air when the security maintainer's voice echoed in the Locker room, checking if anyone was left behind.

With pink-tinted ears and fleeting glances, Rin and Makoto had left the changing room, quickly having changed into the usual attire. After what Makoto had said, Rin found it hard looking back at the other, and while driving home, not a word between them was shared, other than the occasional ''well, that was… wild, **haha**….'', and things alike.

To be frank, it was beyond awkward. Rin twiddled his thumbs while looking down at his lap, having found it hard back then to zip his jeans up because of the distraction trapped there. His gaze stayed there, trying to calm himself down. Makoto was no better either, and a fluster was still trapped on his cheeks, surprisingly bright on his tanned skin as his lips were continuously wobbling into a considering smile.

When they made it home, they stood in the doorway for a while. Rin took a few steps ahead, fists clenching and unclenching in his sweatpants as Makoto locked the door.

Rin peeked over his shoulder at Makoto, who was still wearing a jacket, fidgeting with the sleeves of it, as if considering whether he was welcome in his very own apartment or not. The redhead grit his teeth, turning around while puffing out a sigh as he held his hands on his hips. He found that he did not really have anything to say. In fact, his mind went blank and instead they stood and stared at each other.

It was not that Rin had not expected them to get intimate, but the moment was suddenly there, and twenty minutes ago, Makoto had backed Rin up against a locker in the changing room, grinding him from behind.

''So…'' Rin said awkwardly, tonguing the inside of his cheek, and questioned himself and the reason as to why he was feeling so nervous. He shortly thought of the circumstances altogether, of Makoto being someone he used to babysit, but quickly left it behind. He could not see Makoto as anything but the present Makoto, who knew what he was going into. Then again, there was something about it.

''Was- Was I too much?'' Makoto took a step forward, and his eyebrows crinkled downwards and his dopey eyes were unmistakably concerned – soft and careful.

Rin swallowed heavily and puckered his lips, omitting a breathy laugh as he caressed his nape in a timid gesture. ''Not exactly,'' he murmured and thought back on his other flings – flings that included scratching, bite-marks and other… things.

''I was- you did nothing wrong!'' Rin could not find the right words, and he pressed his legs together and drew in a breath through gritted teeth, because he kept losing his composure – feeling feeble in his legs. He did not know how to explain Makoto that he, as a twenty-six year old adult, felt like an inexperienced virgin all over again, nervous for 'the first time'.

Things were just different with Makoto after all, and the way Makoto had loomed above him with a surprisingly sensual voice and feather-light touches, that was- that was just not what he had expected from the dopey-eyed saint named Makoto Tachibana.

Makoto tilted his head, looking curious, but still concerned, as if still loathing himself with whatever introspection he could manage, Rin thought. ''I want-'' Rin licked his lips and made some wild gestures with his hands, leaning his head forward, as if that would explain it. He groaned and mussed his hair by gliding his fingers through his fringes – frustrated.

''I want, uh- I want you to…,'' he mumbled and said something that was not loud enough for Makoto to hear.

''You want me to what?'' Makoto asked, adams apple heaving up and down as he took a step closer.

''To- uh…,'' Rin was almost tempted to take a step away, a furious blush blossoming on his cheeks – streaking a bit down his throat as well.

''To…?'' Makoto jerked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, smiling somewhat sheepishly.

''You know-'' Rin made another wild gesture with his hands, fingers twitching.

''Yes…?'' Makoto looked like he wanted to laugh – a mix between looking fond and humored.

He took the last step forward, and yet again, they were standing in front of each other, face to face. Makoto held his breath when Rin swallowed again and pursed his mouth, gaze flickering from Makoto's face to elsewhere.

''I want you to…,'' Rin's gaze finally met Makoto's, and the tall brunette was no longer smiling - something else filling his gaze instead.

''make me some dinner!'' the redhead suddenly burst out as he took a step back and disappeared into the kitchen.

Makoto heard some pans clanking from the other room, but he stood completely still, mouth half-agape as his breath was caught in his throat and he found that he could not move for a second or two.

''God I'm **starving**,'' sounded from the kitchen, followed by a loud **''fuck''**as Rin stubbed his toe.

They ate in silence, and whenever Rin tried to make a conversation, Makoto answered with short-lived responses.

There was a point where Rin spoke about a TV-show and its characters, about a certain couple and their development – where Makoto nearly snapped his fork in half.

* * *

A few days passed by where nothing about the incident was mentioned, where everything slowly turned into its normal pattern, although there were less touching and less conversations in the evening. Makoto softened up by the end of the week though, and so did Rin. Things had become awkward between them, but was slowly smoothened out.

They started watching movies again, doing the usual chores – the usual gestures. Rin, however, had been acting like a living trigger throughout most of the time, as if he thought Makoto was going to pounce him any chance given.

The redhead had not known what to do about it, because the nervousness he felt came from a hidden source he had no clue whose origin was. It had been easier if they had just gone at it in the locker room so that he did not need to stop up and think about it – let it happen naturally. They had really warmed up to it, gradually. Like the accidental touching underneath the table during dinnertimes, ankles brushing – stuff like that. The hugs that lasted a little longer than the average and the small kisses granted here and there. Everything had had a natural flow that went well, but Rin went ahead screwed it up majorly without telling Makoto the reason as to why, and during Friday, he flumped down on the sofa and groaned loudly into the fabric of the sofa.

Makoto would return late that night, so Rin was to eat dinner alone, and probably was to fall asleep alone, and watch Mad Men alone, too.

''Fuck…,'' he grumbled and rubbed his face with his hands, rubbing until he saw stars behind his eyelids. He was annoyed with himself, but he was also annoyed with the fact that Makoto had not taken him out on his bullshit or said anything. He had just let it go by and let Rin do whatever he pleased, and Rin felt like the biggest jackass to ever tread upon planet earth.

Rin was too busy with his own mumbling and his thoughts that he did not notice the sound of the front door being locked open, nor the sound of footsteps appearing in the hallway.

In an impulse, the redhead raised his torso, grabbed the nearest pillow, and threw it at the wall ahead as hard as he could, yelling the words: '**'I wanted you to fuck me, you stupid piece of-'**'

His breath hitched when he saw the figure just a few feet away from the sofa – Makoto standing there with his bag slouched over one shoulder, mouth agape – looking speechless.

Never had Rin scurried so fast out of a room as he did then. At first, it had been quiet and none of them had moved, until the realization of what had happened struck Rin. Despite his bad knee, he ran and nearly stumbled over one of the pillows on the floor as he slammed the bathroom door shut after caving in, locking the door.

Seconds later, he heard Makoto gently knock on the door, calling his name.

Rin was slumped against the door, sighing loudly, covering his face in his hands. He was twenty-six. He was **twenty-six**, and yet still he felt like a nervous schoolchild when it came Makoto, as if he was having a first crush all over again and knew nothing about how to give or receive affection. His insides were burning as he moaned a childish: ''Don't look at me,'' and he heard how Makoto laughed on the other side of the door, slightly muffled.

''You just look too pretty for me not to,'' he said through the door, and Rin thought he was the stupidest stupid brunette to ever be stupid, but could not help but to smile either. He bit his lower lip and snorted, finding the situation ridiculous.

''I think you mean **handsome**,'' he snarled, and Makoto chuckled again. Rin really liked it when Makoto laughed.

''Then you're too handsome for me not to want to look at you,'' Makoto retorted, and Rin could hear that he slumped down as well, sitting with his back against the other side of the door.

''I'm a moron,'' Rin said instead, and he was still hiding his face in his hands.

''Yeah, but I am too.''

''No you're not…,'

''I am. Then we can be morons together, right?''

''I thought it was my job to be a sappy fucker.''

Makoto chuckled, and this time, Rin did too.

''I'm sorry,'' Rin said when it became silent between them again. He looked up from his hands and drew his legs closer, resting his cheek on his kneecaps.

Before Makoto could answer, he continued.

''I want you to fuck me.''

He heard a loud noise from the other side, followed by a hiss of pain.

''Makoto?''

''Yeah- yeah, uh- yeah, I'm here.''

Rin traced circles on the tiled floor with a fingertip, following the movement with his eyes. He found it easier talking when he did not have to be faced, just then.

''I just – I don't know why I chickened out. I guess I felt nervous. It's like-''

He drew in a big breath.

''It's like I'm-''

He laughed shortly,

''It's like I'm seventeen again and I'm all hormonal, getting my first real relationship – about to have the... first time.''

Makoto did not say anything, but Rin knew that he was still intently listening.

''Right now, I don't know if I trust love either,'' Rin said, almost to himself. He knew where it came from though. He thought of cyan eyes and raven-colored hair – of swimming tournaments and warm nights in expensive hotel rooms.

He thought of the hospital where the scythe had its draw and everything crumbled, and the one he needed the most was not there.

''But I…,''

He tipped his chin and looked up at the little bathroom lamp in the ceiling, resting the back of his head against the door.

He remembered who had been there when he had needed it. When he thought no one would be there. When he was at his worst, dejected and out cold.

When Makoto, after a year of no contact, still answered his call in the very second he pressed the green button.

''I really like you, Makoto.''

He swallowed, hand clutching the front of his shirt, just above the place where his heart was.

''I really, really like you.''

It was silent between them for a while, and Rin did not know whether he expected an answer or not. Then he heard Makoto raise himself, and he said ''Rin, please open the door.''

Rin held his breath, but was quickly on his feet. He turned around, hand hovering above the key.

He turned the key.

Makoto opened the door.

Rin's eyes widened, and his breath hitched.

Tears were draping Makoto's cheeks, some jumping off his chin. He was not sobbing, and his tears were quiet, but they were there, and his eyes were glazed, but the look harbored there was ever fond. ''Rin…,'' he said, like he had done from the very moment Rin stepped into the apartment.

Like he had done when Rin stepped in and was a living trigger – broken and a shattered mess. No matter where he had been, no matter what condition he had been in, Makoto had always looked at him like that.

Makoto stepped forward, and he was allowed to come in. He came in and stepped forward, encircled Rin in his arms, and Rin's rigid posture loosened up as he slouched, melting in the arms embracing him.

Makoto's breathing was a little ragged, but his voice was stable. He held Rin close and rested his mouth against his temple, one hand resting between his shoulder blades and one tangled in his magenta locks.

''I love you too, Rin,'' he said.

When they broke apart, it was only to bring one another close again.

Their lips met softly. Chaste and innocent at first.

Rin's grip around him tightened, and he wanted him closer, much closer.

Makoto cupped his cheek and held him close, caressing him. Rin whimpered against his mouth and clenched a fist in his shirt, dragging him down, indicating a need for more.

''Makoto,'' he said when they broke apart, and Makoto did not get to breathe in properly before Rin was on him again. Makoto slid his tongue between the other's lips and ran the tip along the flat of the teeth, and Rin's knees nearly buckled beneath him as he held onto Makoto for further support. They stumbled a bit, and at last, they ended up on the other side of the bathroom, slumped down as Rin was resting with his back against the tiled wall with Makoto huddled between his legs.

They continued kissing; at first, it had been gentle, but gradually turned rowdier – with nibbling and searching tongues. Engulfing heat unfurled in the pit of their bellies as they kept trying to inch closer to each other. Makoto pressed closer and scooped Rin up in his lap, and Rin clung his legs around Makoto's waist to keep seated. His back rested against the wall, and the brunette's knees were touching there too.

It was warm. It was clumsy and desperate. It was loving and fond.

When they broke apart, they rested their foreheads against one another, breathing out. Tears were streaking Rin's cheeks then, and some things would just never die out.

Makoto kissed each tear away, at last kissing his forehead – then his nose, and then his lips. He looked into Rin's eyes, and he looked for a long time.

''Get rid of those monsters in your head. There's so much more to you than the sadness,'' he said.

Rin's breath hitched, and he looked surprised by the sudden words.

Makoto closed his eyes, swallowing.

''Just…. don't stand with all this misery on your own…,''

It sounded familiar, but this time, it was with a much firmer meaning.

''because you're not alone…,''

He stopped for a moment, breathing in.

''And you never – **ever **– were.''

Rin's breath stilled, and he looked so torn.

''You're going to swim again,'' Makoto said, and he took Rin's hand and held it in his own, holding it between their chests, aligning it where their hearts were.

''And I'm going to help you recover, no matter what you say – no matter how stupid you act. It doesn't matter how many times you screw things up, because I will be there to gather the pieces again.''

''You can swim again.''


	7. Dear

Thank you so much for following along - for the reviews and for favs. It means a lot to me.

* * *

''C'mere,'' Makoto drawled, tiredness apparent in his voice as he slouched on the sofa, watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

Rin sagged from where he stood; wearing his apron, wanting to dive in and lounge on the sofa too, but still had to look after the food sizzling in the kitchen. ''Yeah, maybe later,'' he said, and grinned when the response from the brunette was a sullen, puppy-eyed look.

Rin stuck his tongue out at him and returned to the food. He was preparing something simple that day. Pasta with bologna, because Makoto had asked for it the day before.

He swirled the pasta with a kitchen spoon and hummed a song under his breath, gaze flickering to the window, looking at the sun going down in the horizon. It was late, but since summertime was just around the corner, the sun would first disappear near ten in the evening.

It had been mere two days since the encounter in the bathroom, but something had definitely turned the atmosphere in the little apartment they shared. Surprisingly, they had done nothing more than cuddling, and Makoto was nestled amidst the living hell of still experiencing the aftermath of being a teenager.

Makoto came into the kitchen and set the table neatly, and Rin did not miss the way he was being eyed intently all the while.

''You're in reality a horny little fuck, aren't you?'' Rin turned around and smirked at the taller, raising a brow.

Makoto's body jolted and he looked away shortly, mouth small as he contributed with a few 'uh' and 'ah's. He then looked at Rin again and scratched his nape with a few fingers, slouching a little in his back. ''I just- well- uh-'' he said, and he looked like a kid found guilty with his fingers in the cookie jar, smiling apologetically.

''I've been there myself,'' was all Rin said as he bit his lower lip, trying not to smile too widely when he turned around and prepared the last part of the meal.

When they sat down, Rin nearly bit his fork in half when Makoto promptly bid in with a: ''have you always received?''

''Come again?''

''Uh- you know, the one receiving in the a-''

''I- think I got what you meant,'' the redhead wheezed, swallowing some pasta. He furrowed his brows and looked a tad incredulous, finding those words spewed from Makoto's mouth out of place. Ever since there had been any indications to intimacy, Makoto had been all intent eyes, eager lips and twitching fingers whenever the subject was brought up.

''Well, there was-'' Rin stopped amidst it.

''Hey, why do you assume I'm the one receiving?'' he asked instead, giving the other a befuddled look.

Makoto looked away.

''Is it that obvious?'' Rin prompted.

The brunette munched on some food, a small smile on his lips that could not mean good.

''Well- I'm no expert, right…,'' he begun when he was done chewing, and Rin closed his eyes and had to take a timeout.

''Is it in regards to Sousuke?'' Rin asked, and this quieted the taller for a moment. The raven's name had not been mentioned much throughout the months. It sounded foreign on Rin's lips, and he felt a twist swirl in his gut, just shortly.

Makoto sounded a little faint, shrugging as he said ''yeah. Size and all,'' and it seemed like he did not want to say the name himself.

''Yeah, yeah, I get it, okay,'' Rin broke him off rather lightly, trying to lead the conversation elsewhere. ''I had another few flings before Sousuke though, and I switched here and there,'' he said. He drank some water and wiped his mouth with a napkin, considering what to say.

''I've mostly been the one receiving, but there has, as mentioned, been some switching here and there.''

Makoto looked thoughtful.

''I'm going to fuck you, Makoto,'' he suddenly said.

The brunette accidentally knocked his knees up the table and got some food in the wrong pipe, coughing feverishly. ''Oh god,'' Rin said and offered him some water, leaning over the table.

''I was just joking,'' he laughed.

A red nuance loomed along Makoto's cheeks.

''Don't joke about stuff like that,'' he murmured and poked at the spaghetti with his fork, pursing his mouth.

Rin chuckled again and ran a hand through his magenta hair, scratching the start of shoulders. His hair had gotten long enough for it to reach shoulder-length, although he had drawn it up in a ponytail. His fringes stayed short and framed his face.

''What about you, dear?'' Rin said, and for a moment, Makoto looked dazed, as if lost in track. He then squirmed in his seat and smiled almost shyly, and Rin arched a brow. ''What?'' he said, because Makoto was giggling in a bubbly way that only a schoolchild could manage. ''You called me dear,'' he said, and dimples shaped upon his cheeks.

''I could call you dude if you'd like,'' Rin said coyly, and Makoto shook his head and lamented a 'No!'

''My ex had just recently broken up with me a few months ago just before I got my apartment,'' Makoto explained. ''His name was Kou.''

''Wait- he broke up with you?'' Rin interjected, leaning back in his chair.

''Well- uh, he said I was a little… distant, I guess.''

''Distant, how?''

The brunette licked his lips and made a humming noise, shrugging on his shoulders, looking a tad troubled for a moment. ''He just said that I… probably didn't love him as much as he loved me.''

''Didn't you?''

''It's weird. I'm not sure. I don't even remember what I felt back then. I-''

He adjusted his seat and drew a hand down his cheek, mushing it there. ''I had someone else in mind…,'' he finished, quietly.

Rin felt something commence in his throat and he cleared it, not knowing whether he should feel flattered or slightly guilty for having held Makoto back.

''For how long have you... loved me?'' Rin asked then, and the word love was still a little strange – a little dangerous to him. He said it nevertheless, because it ever so slowly warmed up to him.

''I think I got a small crush on you… when I was… fourteen?''

''That young?''

''It was a crush, okay? A small crush,'' Makoto flustered, twiddling his thumbs. ''You were-'' he made a gesture with his hands –

''You were my role model or something, I don't know.''

Rin hummed, sounding amused.

''- It was first when you came back as I was seventeen that I… found that I had more… intimate feelings for you. Just- you know, um, slightly. Yeah. Uh. You know- just- yeah. Intimate feelings.''

A lopsided smirk stretched across Rin's lips, and he crossed his arms and ran his tongue along his lower lip, huffing out a brief chuckle. ''You're awfully cute, you know that?''

Makoto hid his blush by taking another sip of water.

''Anyway, what about sexual experience? Got any of that?'' the other prompted, leaning closer, and his teeth were ever sharp, eyes alluring.

''Why don't you find out yourself?''

Makoto did that thing again – that thing where it seemed like his whole presence took another turn and twist, whereas the atmosphere changed and Rin had to brace his hands on the table and curse the shiver that just ran along his spine. Fucking teenagers, he thought.

''Patience, my child,'' Rin drawled and raised himself, ruffling Makoto's hair before walking into the living room. They had made the deal that if he made dinner tonight, Makoto would wash the plates and tidy up afterwards.

Rin laughed as he heard Makoto whine from the kitchen.

* * *

''You're very cuddly tonight,'' Rin dryly commented.

They were huddled up on the couch an hour after dinner, with Rin lying between Makoto's legs as they watched a documentary movie. Makoto only contributed with a 'mh-hmm' before snuggling closer, embracing Rin anew.

Rin looked up at him from askew, and they kissed chastely.

It somehow ended up with Rin sitting on Makoto's lap, which seemingly had become a habit to them after a while. Rin pressed himself closer and angled his head to get better access, making a breathy exhale when Makoto parted his lips and slid his tongue in. He was straddling Makoto's lap while Makoto's leaned back against the backrest of the couch.

When they broke apart, Rin chuckled lightly. Makoto was starry-eyed, a little dazed as he made a quizzical noise.

''Is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?'' he drawled against the other's mouth, lips damp and agape. Makoto swallowed heavily and he closed his eyes, whining low in his throat. ''I can't help it,'' he muttered, sounding defeated. He had been blushing an awful lot lately – Rin being the cause, naturally.

''Not that I mind,'' Rin whispered and kissed him again, nudging his lips open as he bit down on the lower one, nibbling playfully. Makoto's breath hitched, and his grip on the other's biceps turned tighter. He nearly jolted when he felt a hand brush his covered erection, cupping the shape. He did not get to say anything before Rin distracted him with another kiss, this time being the one to take the turns.

He whimpered against Rin's mouth when the redhead grasped a little harder, fingers clamping around the contour of his arousal through the sweatpants.

Rin instantly stopped his doings, frozen against Makoto.

''Makoto, how big are you?'' he asked, withdrawing himself, looking troubled.

Makoto was still high in the clouds, blinking languidly. ''What?'' he asked, looking down between them, confused.

The corners of Rin's mouth pulled up slightly in a perplexed expression.

Makoto yelped when Rin leaned back and hooked his fingers underneath the elastic band keeping the pants together, drawing out in them to peek down. ''No way,'' he said, breathless.

Makoto squirmed and was confused, gaze flickering from Rin to his crotch, mouth wobbling. ''Uh-'' he intelligently said.

''You sure you're not some runaway porn star?'' he said, and Makoto looked like he either wanted to cry or laugh - maybe both.

''It's always been like this-'' he said, a sheepish smile appearing on his face.

''Always? You didn't take some pills or something?''

**''No!''**

Rin laughed – cheeks prickling slightly too, and Makoto pouted.

Rin's smile faded, and he looked troubled again. ''This is going to sting,'' he murmured. Makoto, shortly oblivious, blinked his eyes in questioning. ''What is going to sting?''

Rin rolled his eyes.

''When I knock you down with the remote control- what do you think?'' He leaned forward and gave Makoto's forehead a peck.

''When you ram me in the ass'' he said, and Makoto's eyes widened and he broke out with a ''oh….''

Then, his features lighted up and he looked dazzled. ''You mean-?''

''Yeah,'' Rin rested his forehead against the other's, smiling dopily. This boy did some awful things to him, he concluded. ''Howev**er-''**

Makoto almost toppled the other over when he leaned in again for another kiss, hands immediately finding their places to be. One slid around Rin's waist, and the other ran down to rest just above one of his buttocks.

Rin tried to say something, but got distracted in the kiss just as Makoto held him down firmer than before, pressing him against himself to make a friction. Rin groaned and latched one hand around Makoto's neck and held it against the back of his head.

He pulled Makoto's head back by the hair, making him gasp as he felt a mouth along his throat, peppering wet open-mouthed kisses there as the throat was bared. Rin mouthed the contour of his adams apple that heaved up and down by the doing. His was breathing ragged as Rin pressed down and grinded against him.

The taller guided his hands underneath the hem of Rin's light attire, sweatpants too, as he grasped each buttock and split them apart. Rin moaned hotly against his neck, breath fanning over the skin. He spread his legs further and the muscles in his thighs pulled tight. Makoto looked down again and did the same as Rin had done to him, sucking on what available patch he could find along his throat, the flat of his teeth grazing there.

Rin's fingers clenched and unclenched in Makoto's blouse, arching in his back when Makoto fluttered his fingers along the split between his buttocks and brushed one finger against his hole.

''**Lube**,'' Rin suddenly breathed, repeated it once or twice to break Makoto out of the haze.

A low rumble sounded from the bottom of Makoto's throat and he leaned in again, hovering his lips along the other's jawline, still holding on to him. ''Yeah- yeah okay,'' he breathed, nodding eagerly, trying to compose himself.

He did not say anything as Rin removed himself from his lap and with trembling legs disappeared out of the living room and into the bathroom. The redhead could feel his gaze lounge on him all the while though, and when standing in the bathroom, he braced himself against the sink, looking down in the drain. His breathing was still ragged, and it had been a long time since he had last been this aroused – fingers twitching - skin fuming with warmth and sweat already.

When he looked into the mirror, he saw that his hair had become slightly rumpled, and his ponytail was loose and not properly done. His pupils were expanded, irises nearly swallowed by all the onyx instead. He drew in a long breath and exhaled with his whole body, slouching in his shoulders as he shook on his head and patted his cheeks. He redid his ponytail, and when he had calmed down, he looked in the drawers and found what he was looking for.

**''Where are the condoms?'' **he shouted, flung it over his shoulder as he examined the bottle of lubrication, in the process finding a pack of condoms too. ''Strawberry flavor?'' he muttered and tilted his head. Well then.

**''Nevermind!'' **he shouted then, and unpacked it.

When he came back, Makoto looked a little more relaxed as he was laid back, legs spread and his arms were draping along the top of the backrest. Rin had expected him to fidget and alike, but he only smiled once Rin came in. Rin fanned a little pack between two fingers, had the lube bottle nestled in his other hand.

Before settling down as he stood in front of the brunette, he pulled his tank top off and unknotted the laces on his pants. He enjoyed how Makoto was wary of every movement he made, looking tempted to reach out. ''Don't go too hard on me, city boy,'' he said and pressed a hand against Makoto's chest when the younger leaned forward, settling him back into the cushions. Rin's voice had another tune to it as he tilted his head and smiled, purring a: ''not yet.''

Makoto licked his lips and leaned back, jaw sturdily set as he nodded, slowly. His eyes were a bit hooded – gaze intent and focused when Rin pulled his pants down and stripped down until he was naked. Rin did feel exposed, and such intimacy had not even been there in the last couple of years when Sousuke and him were together. It had been a long time he had felt such an eager glare on him, and only him – all attention solely devoted there.

A coy smile tugged a corner of his lips as he leaned forward, resting on the couch with one leg kneed in the space between Makoto's spread legs. He leaned in and hovered his face just mere inches in front of the other's, meanwhile letting one of his palms smoothen out along the broad shoulders. He tapped his fingers lightly there as he then settled himself – as he had before, now completely bared though, straddling his lap.

Makoto's neck looked strained, and his chest heaved up and down slowly. He was quiet though, but his eyes were present. Rin had already decided that he did not want to make it easy for him, and he eyed how the emerald eyes continuously flickered from his face to his arousal trapped between them.

Rin pretended as if he was innocent, running his other palm along his own nude thigh, over it and then between his legs. ''You want to watch?'' he asked – said, because it was not a question. He leaned back and supported himself with one hand behind him, bracing himself on one of Makoto's kneecaps. His other hand continued to trace his inner thigh, at last curling around his cock. His breath did a stutter by the contact, because the feeling it gave was something else while having audience, and he felt warm and excited under the gaze he was granted.

He hummed softly and dug his toes into the cushions from where he sat, heels lifted a bit. He stroke himself and closed his eyes briefly, focusing on his breathing as his hips jerked slightly. He sighed softly. He let his fingers flutter there in a light tickle, ran them from the base to the shaft and to the cockhead. He pressed a thumb into the foreskin and pulled it a bit down, moaning softly.

The apartment was quiet except for Makoto's breathing pattern in the background, like a distant pulse running. Slow, but present. Calming.

Rin glided a finger along a vein and changed the pressure here and there until he was fully erect. He heard Makoto make a sound, a breathy noise, and opened his eyes to find him staring, teeth gritted.

Rin smiled and opened his mouth, running the tip of his tongue along the flat of his teeth. He let go of his cock and took a hold of the bottle of lube next to him instead, popping it open with the nail on his thumb.

He held the bottle in front of him and looked into Makoto's eyes, arching his brows invitingly.

''Rin,'' Makoto breathed, subconsciously leaning a bit forward. ''Can I-'' he swallowed, shoulders hunching up. ''I want to do it,'' he said instead, and he slid his hands up on Rin's thighs and dug his fingers into the skin.

Rin nodded, saying a: ''go for it.''

Makoto did not waste the time. He leaned forward and surprised Rin again by kissing him almost forcefully, probing his tongue there as he all the while snaked a hand around his waist and brought him closer. He kissed Rin breathless, continued and roamed, free hand having snatched the bottle of lube in between. Rin was a stuttering mess when they broke apart, and behind the redhead's back, Makoto coated his fingers with the lubrication.

''You won't be standing when I'm done with you,'' his breath fanned along the shell of Rin's ear, and Rin would have grinned if it was not for the fact that he believed every word. He gasped when he felt something cold prod against his entrance, and Makoto spread his buttocks apart, prodding an index finger against his hole.

Rin looped his arms around Makoto's neck and held on when the first finger breached through. He was quick to press back against it though, saying that he was not fragile. Makoto chuckled and buried his face against the juncture of his neck, inhaling there, saying an acknowledging 'okay', and just a 'make sure to say if it hurts' too.

Two fingers were not enough, but it slowly begun to sting when a third was added. Rin held him tighter and breathed out against his scalp and soft hair, hips stuttering. ''Just- just get it in me already,'' he murmured stubbornly, leaning back on the fingers, withdrawing himself from Makoto.

Makoto was playful enough to raise a brow at him, tilting his head as he bared a charming smile. ''Yeah?''

Rin's cheeks prickled, then, and he lowered his head a bit and looked at Makoto through his slender eyelashes.

''Please?''

That did the trick.

Rin grabbed the little pack with the condom and ripped the top off, and Makoto raised himself just a tad to draw down in his sweatpants. His arousal sprang up and was lying heavily against his stomach, crooking a bit to the side.

He looked foxy as he took some of the lube and covered his cock in it, and Rin lifted himself.

He placed a hand on Rin's thigh, gently taking a hold there as he led him downwards. Rin felt something bigger prod against his entrance, breaching through. ''Look at me,'' Makoto said softly, and Rin looked up then, eyes locked in a mutual stare. ''I want to see your face,'' he continued, and it made Rin more at ease, made it easier for him to go on, warmth pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Makoto did it slowly and carefully, making sure not to hurt the other as he eased him down. He took a deep breath, sounding a bit strained, heat puffing from his mouth for every breath he exhaled. Rin grew impatient of the gentleness, and used his shins to raise himself slightly as he arched in his back. Makoto flinched, hands hovering above Rin's thigh and his hip, budging and stretching as if fighting against getting rowdy.

With one smooth movement, Rin pressed himself down and took most of him in, closing his eyes. Makoto groaned. Rin had no time for his fleeting hands and concerned looks, and instead he took a hold of his blouse and drew it above his head. Makoto helped, and when it came off, Rin had taken all of him in – thighs trembling as he raised himself again and repeated the motion.

''Fuck,'' he cursed when he felt Makoto's sweatpants and a bit of his thighs against his underside, and Makoto held his hands on the hips.

Rin yelped when he was manhandled onto his back on the couch to the side, momentarily held up so that Makoto fully slid into him again, and he trashed a bit and dug his fingers into his skin, holding on to him.

He was placed on the sofa then along its width – with Makoto huddled between his legs as he rolled his hips and thrust into him. Rin's shoulders hunched and he moaned, throwing his head back. Makoto loomed above him and spread his legs, hands dug into the underside of his thighs as he drew back and slammed into him again with a gruff groan, picking up the pace.

''I've-''

''I've wanted to see you like this for so long,'' he said, abdominal muscles flexing for each time he rolled his hips. His voice was throaty – lower than the usual and far more sensual.

Rin could not answer, distracted for each time he was pushed against the cushions again, contributing with breathless 'mhh' and 'yeah's. All he could manage was a feeble ''more'' as he pressed back, hands clawing the fabric of the cushions.

Makoto lifted Rin's thighs and legs so that the bend rested against his shoulders, legs thrown over there, and he leaned down so that Rin's thighs were on each side of his head. It made it easer to gain more access and to thrust deeper, Rin needing to bend his back the closer Makoto got.

''You're-'' he panted, continuously ramming into him – ''I just- want to—need to-'' he leaned down and was glad Rin was as flexible as he was, enough for him to be able to lean down and kiss him. It was all warm and wet, and he thrust into him repeatedly, grazing a spot that made Rin's mouth feel dry.

''Love-'' Rin panted, breathing uncontrollably –

''Love you-'' he closed his eyes briefly, but opened them again to look into the brunette's eyes.

''**Makoto**…''

Makoto picked up the pace, and the kiss they shared once more was clumsy, but what mattered was the warmth that unfurled in their abdomens.

Rin was breathing uncontrollably once his gut feeling pulled tight, and he bid in with some warning ''Gonna-'' he swallowed ''gonna come-'' as he closed his eyes.

The small bend of his back arched a bit off the couch when he came, coming all over the lower part of his stomach. Makoto's thrusting slowed down, and a little later, he climaxed inside him with a low moan of his name.

For a while, they just stayed in that position, panting heavily.

Then, Makoto's eyes widened, and he lowered Rin's legs, still huddled between him though. He looked concerned, asking a: ''You didn't hurt your knee, did you?''

Rin shrugged. ''It's aching a bit, but-''

''Rin! Why didn't you-''

Rin laughed and raised his torso, kissing him softly.

''I'm okay. I'm feeling really good,'' he said, and Makoto immediately calmed down.

Warmth buzzed in his body all over, and with Makoto smiling so fondly above him. He found that there was no place he would rather be.


End file.
